Leon's Blogs

2012 | Whitney Houston Given a Private Burial

2012-02-21T08:25:00.003-06:00

Whitney Houston died on February 11th 2012. Since February 20th 2012, no one knows the cause of her death. The body of "Whitney Houston" arrived for burial on Sunday, February 19th 2012 in New Jersey. Whitney Houston was given a private burial next to her father in the Fairview cemetery.

I was reading the original article, and looked at the point of Whitney Houston having a private burial in the Fairview Cemetery next to her father. The question is, why does she need a private burial? I look at the point of how relationships in this world and reality is established. Relationships have become a point of abuse, from the perspective, of how we specialize another individual within our reality, or an individual that died that we were 'close' to emotionally. It seems as though, in death, the kind of relationship-tie that an individual or individuals had to a particular specific person or people seems to get emphasized because the 'tie' that was the 'strings' as the emotions and feelings to/towards that particular specific person gets severed. Death really, in a sense, brings out the true thoughts, feelings, and emotions that an individual had with another individual in their life. It's funny because during the life of the 'relationship-tie' between the two or more beings, whether they knew each other or not, most of the time the relationship isn't even real, and can be tested if one allows themselves to react in any way whatsoever within/as the relationship with the individual. If I reacted to my mom in anger, for instance, for not treating me right; if she one day died -- and I sat there and cried for her and told myself that I loved her with all of my heart "even though we argued all of the time" then I know that my relationship with my mom was never real because I never had an actual relationship with her. Instead, the relationship that I had was the relationship in my own mind -- as the relationship-tie, to/towards my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. that I have not taken responsibility for, and thus, projected my own abuse to/towards my mom. Thus, within abusing myself, I could never have an 'actual' relationship with my mom because I abused myself through/within the what I believed and perceived 'love' to be.

I have actually done this before by projecting my thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. onto/as others because I have not taken responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc., and thought that they were the culprit of why I was feeling the way that I am feeling. I have never learned to self-forgive these thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. because I formed a relationship with my own mind as these thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. thinking that they are me -- which is the reason why I desire, get angry, fear others, etc.

Isn't it just the same that we have done to Whitney Houston? It's actually a form of abuse for specializing Whitney Houston by giving her a private grave because what is being made 'private' is the emphasis of the relationship-tie which is, and consists of, our thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, etc. that we have about OURSELVES -- projected onto Whitney, thus, using Whitney as a guinea pig because she had a 'great' voice -- that we can project our 'abuse' on in a form of 'love'. Through specializing others, we are specializing our own self-dishoneties to ourselves because no one is this world should be made 'special' while billions are left to starve. Being special will always be a product of inequality.

Reference:

http://articles.cnn.com/2012-02-19/entertainment/showbiz_whitney-houston_1_whitney-houston-church-service-memorial-service?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ

Women and Emotions

2012-01-30T23:01:00.000-06:00

Within my world and reality, I defined femininity and masculinity as something being used as a point of 'expression' within beings, but what I didn't realize is that what creates masculinity and femininity are predominantly psychological in nature wherein external 'pictures' are used that helps in the creation of how masculinity and femininity are defined. If one looks at a flower, one would say that it would look good on a female, in general, because over the progression of years, specific pictures have been used to shape the definition of gender identity and how it is expressed within the world. Thus, the sum of humanity's judgement to/towards each other through pictures have given rise to a friction, which is a state of conflict between people, that has been stabilized and defined as masculinity and femininity. Albeit all judgment always starts from within. Thus, it was one's self-judgments that gave rise to how one acts and reacts as a male or female with other males and females.

So I procured a belief wherein I changed the integrity of how I exist based on that belief and delved into gender transgression through changing my identity to fit what I thought was the perfect balanced gender identity. I believed the perfect gender was that of a mixture of masculine and feminine qualities. The gender would have the strength of a male, but the 'feminine' characteristics of a female. This point was tacitly developed within/as my involvement with both genders within the world as I subsequently and mathematically developed my 'perfect' gender as a point of self-judgment based on how I judged my own characteristics. I did not initially see that I was actually engineering the perfect gender identity as a point of covering up my own self-dishonesty. The self-dishonest point was changing the structure of my personality as what I believed and perceived myself to be defective within my behaviors and characteristics and changing it into another 'personality' that I thought to be more 'perfected'. But this, I didn't realize was a point of not facing myself, but actually trying to change myself exterior-wise rather than from within -- through self-forgiveness.

Within/as my times growing up, I developed a belief that women are weaker than men, from an emotional perspective because women tend to be slightly more emotionally heightened from my experience around women. I was always hesitant of having a relationship with a female because I never did want to participate in the emotions within a relationship. I didn't understand what we had to be emotional about. I always wanted a relationship wherein we were both clear at all times because emotions and feelings seem to put a veil on what's really going on within the relationship. That's why within my life, I created imaginary girlfriends that were created with little or no emotional qualities.

In men, I found the quality of having opinions about how a man should behave as a 'man, to be a primary weakness in men wherein 'rules' are setup tacitly which defines how a man should behave. Some of these rules are:

1) Men don't cry.
2) Men don't wear pink.
3) Men don't wear dresses.
4) Men don't play with dolls.
5) Men don't have long hair.
6) Men suppose to be rough.
7) Men suppress their emotions.
8) Men don't put their hands on their hips.
9) Men don't have limp wrists.

So men that do not have these characteristics are seen as 'real men' within parts of the male community, but I see it as a weakness because if a man is unable to do one/some/all of these characteristics, it creates a weakness -- as a man becomes defined within/as a specific personality construct called 'masculinity' and becomes a slave to it.

Within the strength of the male, I saw stability and virility, and within the strength of the female, I saw as being unstressed which gives expression to the softness attribute (as femininity). So thus, I fused the strengths of the male and female characteristics together, and became con-fused because I conned myself into believing that what I was doing was real, but was only a belief -- using two fake personalities known as 'the feminine personality' and 'the masculine personality', and fusing them together to create another 'personality' which is just as fake as 'masculinity' and 'femininity'. Until we stop defining ourselves within/as femininity, masculinity, and all personality points, the world will always be a fake place with walking organic robots, called humans, that define themselves as feminine, masculine, or gender variant.

Points I Saw Within This That I Can Direct Through Self -Forgiveness:

Having an aversion for women because of their emotions
Judging women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality because of their emotional sensitivity
Existing within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotion
Belief that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic'
Liking women because of their 'unstressed' attitude which gives expression to the softness attribute
Liking men because of their stability and virility
Liking to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil)
Liking to watch movies with men that have feminine attributes (such as Ma Vie En Rose)
Having an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men should present themselves
Belief that masculinity and femininity is real and incorporating both characteristics into what I perceive as the 'perfect' gender to fulfill my views that I have about gender identity.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for women because of their emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality because of their emotional sensitivity to themselves and the world instead of realizing that when and as I see myself judging women based on their emotional sensitivity, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this judgment gives me a reason to justify who I am as the mind and how I perceive myself as 'stable' and 'sound' because of me being stoic. I do not accept or allow myself to judge women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality. I do not accept or allow myself to support the personality of being 'stoic' as a polarity of being emotional. This is not best for me because I remain enslaved to the polarity of emotions and no emotions, and this is not best for all because it creates a world of polarity wherein relationships are allowed to exist within/as point of 'abuse' in which we use to justify our ego. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions instead of realizing that having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions exists because I have not forgiven the point of me existing within the point of perceiving myself 'more than' women because of me perceiving myself as stable. When and as I see myself existing in this judgment, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this, gives me a reason to feel 'special' within judging women as 'less than' because they are seemingly 'more emotional' than me and thus judging me as 'more than' because I am 'less emotional'. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the point of perceiving myself 'more than' women because of me perceiving myself as more 'stable' because of lack of emotions. I do not accept or allow myself to feel 'special' within judging women as 'less than' because they are seemingly 'more emotional' and judging me as 'more than' because I am 'less emotional'. This is not best for me because it allows me to feel special as the personality in which I diminish the integrity of who I am based on the desire to be special as feeling 'in control' of things. This is not what is best for all because it supports the point of 'specialness' to exist as a form of deception wherein specialness is allowed to be sold as a polarity point of being 'more than' which perpetuates friction within the world. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic' instead of realizing that when and as I see myself believe that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this belief gives me a sense of control as the 'personality' being in control rather than 'me' in control. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within 'control' and 'no control'. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the definition of being 'stoic' or being 'emotional'. This is not best for me because I depend on a personality point as being 'stoic' to give me a sense of control'. This is not best for all because it allows a world to exist that is dependent on something or someone in which the 'collective' is controlled by. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' women because of their seemingly 'unstressed' attitude which gives 'expression' to what I perceive as their 'softness' attribute (as femininity) instead of realizing that the softness of a female is a personality construct that I perceive in separation of/as who I am. When and as I see myself existing within 'liking' women because of an attribute that I perceived myself 'separate' from, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a purpose to seek out femininity as what I believe is an expression in order to become fulfilled, and also to see women and to desire relationships with them in separation -- in order to fulfill the point of femininity within/as me. I do not accept or allow myself to 'like' women because of their 'unstressed' attitude which gives expression to what I perceive as their 'softness' attribute (as femininity). I do not accept or allow myself to form a purpose to seek out femininity as what I believe is an expression in order to become fulfilled because of the belief that I am not fulfilled if I am not able to express feminine traits or have a relationship with a female that is feminine. This is not what is best for me because within existing within likes and dislikes, I create a personality based on that like as I exist in separation from what is here (which is not conformed to what I 'like' and what I 'dislike'). This is not best for all because it creates a world based on relationships of liking and disliking -- specializing a being as more than another being thus creating friction within/as the world as a 'system' of warfare. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' men because of their stability and virility instead of realizing that stability and virility is who I am in every moment of breath not defined within/as masculinity. When and as I see myself 'liking' men based on their stability and virility, I stop; I breathe; I let go, and realize that supporting the point of liking men exists because of their stability and virility gives me a way to specialize men as 'more than', and to 'like' that point because they appear to have more 'control' over themselves -- instead of realizing that the actual point of perceiving men in control of themselves is because I have separated myself from stability and virility, and specialized men from women based on their physical and chemical makeup because I have not taken responsibility to direct the point of control one and equal, but have externalized it into/as definitions and 'images' separate from me -- thus becoming possessed by what it means to be stable and virile in the world. I do not accept or allow myself to 'like' men because of their stability and virility. I do not accept or allow myself to specialize men as 'more than' based on their perceived stability and virility. This is not best for me because I limit myself to an 'observation' that is constructed and birthed from self-judgment. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on judgment. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with women that have masculine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with women that have or portray masculine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as my expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with women that have or portray masculine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that seemingly defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within/as gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with men that have feminine attributes (such as Ma Vie En Rose) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with men that have feminine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with men that have or portray feminine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as my expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with men that have or portray feminine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that seemingly defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within/as gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with women that have masculine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with women that have or act with masculine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as an expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with women that have or act with masculine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men, in general, should present themselves instead of realizing that I have placed myself 'less than' that judgment as the reaction that I formed with it. When and as I see myself having an aversion for someone based on their judgments about someone else, I stop; I breathe, I let go, and realize that supporting this point gives me a reason to have an aversion as a point that I have given 'life' to -- to move me. I do not accept or allow myself to have an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men, in general, should present themselves. This is not best for me because I allow myself to continue to participate in desire and aversion based on placing myself as 'less than' that which I have formed a relationship to in separation. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world based on desire and aversion as points that become the 'flow' of deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masculinity and femininity is real and thus to incorporate both characteristics into what I perceive as the 'perfect' gender to fulfill my views that I have about gender identity.

2012 | How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message

2012-01-27T14:52:00.000-06:00

I was coming at a 'standstill' within my process of self-realization within/as my adherence to spirituality. I was always yearning to find out who I was, and where I'd come from. I mean -- we're here, and we suppose to know where we come from right? I started to believe that the creator was hiding itself because I figured that I shouldn't have to ask.... I got some cool knowledge and information over the years of who I might be according to different extraterrestrial studies and stories that I've read. One of the extraterrestrials that I read about were of an intellectual type that supposedly surpassed our intellectual, and technological proficiency as human beings. I mean... I got to the point of believing that who we are, as human beings, are simply a form of elaborate technology created by an extraterrestrial race, but the question was still persistent within me, "Who created us?" There were several doctrines that I adhered to that sounded convincing, but they were not convincing enough to remain firm within it. One of those doctrines was the Christian doctrine.

I became a 'Christian' when I was young because I was informed by my parents and family that Christianity is 'the way' to self-realization, but they called it 'salvation'. There was a fear towards adhering to Christianity though -- that if I am not a Christian, I am going to Hell, but the fear wasn't as prominent at the time when I was in my younger years. It became more prominent as I got older because of the knowledge and information that I acquired within/as, and about -- the 'integrity' of Christianity, and how to be an effective Christian.

When I got older, I wanted to 'commit' myself to Christianity more because I was intermittent within it in my younger years, thus, I remained within this particular religious path for approximately 2.5 years contiguously as a point of being loyal to it. I wasn't really self-honest within it because, within, I 'felt' that there was still something 'missing' within my spiritual process as my relationship that I established with God, and I realized that it was ME that I was still missing.

I questioned my process with God with a question to God, "So is this the lifestyle that an individual suppose to have when they are committed to You?... going to church, praising, worshiping You and reading Your Word?" I was not fond of the lifestyle that I had. It felt more like an enslavement process. There was something 'more' that I was looking for -- so I stopped going to church, and eventually halted my relationship with 'God'. My last prayer to God was: "I'm going to seek You in different ways that is not related to Christianity and if I find something that makes 'more sense', then I am not going to pursue this so-called 'Christianity' religion anymore." I didn't really say it in that exact statement, but it is what I meant nevertheless. I attempted to say it in the 'nicest' way in order for God to not become angry at my statement to Him, lol.

So I went out and sought 'God' in other studies. I always wanted to 'hear' its 'voice' because at church, there were prophets and prophetesses that could presumably 'hear' God speak. Thus, I desired that ability also. "Why does it even have to be an 'ability'?" is what I asked myself at one point. So I found a book called 'Conversations with God' which really changed my 'perspective' on life, but the primary thing that was inconsistent within/as my relationship to the book was that there were no 'practical' applications within it wherein I am able to apply it within my life, but it did change my perspective on God, religion, and spirituality. So the 'fear' within me of 'leaving' the 'Christian' God was even more prominent within me at the time because I remembered a bible scripture that stated that God is a 'jealous' God, but I no longer, presently, have a fear of God because it is not even a point to even consider as a practical point in my life.

Eventually within my spiritual 'quest', one of my greatest desires was to check out the astral dimension because it would be a more effective point of communication as communicating directly with the spiritual realm rather than hearing God's voice in my head. The astral dimension was supposedly, according to my studies, a reality that looked exactly like this reality, but more liquified yet still formidable. I was looking for demons, angels.... all of the beings that I studied in the past within my quest for finding the truth about things. I told myself, "Well if they are not revealing themselves here, I'm going to go to them myself in the astral dimension." My quest for going to the astral dimension never really succeeded because there had to be a way wherein my mind was 'awake' and my body 'asleep' -- although, one's mind is always awake intrinsically according to the knowledge and information out there that speaks about the integrity of how the mind works on a scientific level. I could never achieve this so I eventually began giving up on it.

Subsequently, I just fueled my mind with what I knew best -- which was having relationships with my imaginary friends that I had since childhood. I could at least 'believe' myself to 'be' somewhere by keeping my mind occupied with thinking about them, and communicating with them within my mind. I figured since most of the entities that I created within my mind were extraterrestrials -- that they are able to tell me something that I didn't know that I could tell others within this world and feel 'special' that I have other-worldly information (not originating from this planet).

One day though, I saw an interesting video on astral projection on YouTube -- on a page called Desteni, and how astral projection is simply a virtual reality within a virtual reality. I was like, "What??" I never heard of that perspective before. I also viewed another video called "The Design of I was an Alien in my Past Life" -- because I used to believe, based on a recorded session about my life from a psychic's perspective at the time, that I was an alien in my past life from the 7th Great Central Sun. I also 'felt' like an alien most of my life anyway because of my unique personality construct that I developed within/as me.

So these two videos basically impinged upon me. Therefore, I started watching more videos. Eventually, I started hearing about 'equality'. I've heard that statement over and over again throughout my life. I simply took it as another impractical point that could never manifest itself in this reality under the current financial systematic structure that exists. I mean -- how can we all exist within/as 'equality' if we are all 'raping' each others' pocketbooks? That doesn't sound like equality to me. It just sounds like some mambo-jumbo bullshit that is uttered with 'beautiful' words to keep us in a state of 'hope'.

But Desteni spoke about equality in a different light that I have never actually considered, and that is through changing the entire system into/as a system that is best for all -- not just 'equality' as having everyone from different cultures, backgrounds, languages, religious beliefs, races, etc. coming together and singing Kumbayah. That wouldn't be common-sensical because the system, within that 'lovey-dovey' display of affection would still be accepted and allowed to exist the way it is existing today -- thus rape, corruption, war, slavery, etc. would be still accepted within the midst of what equality is defined within/as today. It doesn't really matter how many political leaders change a rule or two that makes an impact in this world under the current system. IF THIS MONETARY SYSTEM EXISTS IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, NO ONE CAN CLAIM ACTUAL EQUALITY, and equal rights as something that can be made formidable within the current system. Thus, equality becomes something that makes common sense. It will just need the 'hands' to develop it (physical hands -- not 'spiritual' hands). This is one way of how I was able to hear the Desteni message as simplicity.

So within 'finding myself' within/as my spiritual quest within religion as Christianity, and astral projection as a meta-physical study, I told myself that within fulfilling my spiritual desires, where does that leave the world? It leaves it in the same position of abuse, and this is thus engineered into/as all humans. Everyone has a desire, and thus, one will attempt to satisfy that desire within/through their entire lives. Where does that leave the world? -- in the same fucked up position as before. But what drives these desires to exist within the integrity as it exists is money -- which means that we all really have the same 'religion' -- trying to obtain an extra dollar to continue our 'freedom' within desiring what we want or prefer in order to enhance our lifestyles (whether it's spirituality or being a proficient juice maker) -- because without money, how will that lifestyle be supported?

Therefore, if we can become cognizant and actually put or hands together to change the very structure that is the dictator of our lives (which is money), we can develop actual equality, and this is the Desteni message that I argued with initially because I really didn't understand equality from the perspective of how it is being presented within/as common sense.

The Will of God as Brainwashing

2011-11-12T09:12:00.001-06:00

"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." is a quote that I read one day. I looked at this quote, and I recognized it as a point of separation. Within the first section of the quote states "The Will of God". We see here that within this phrase, there is a point of defining life within the Will of God. If God is the 'director' of the integrity of who we are, and the 'director' of the 'fabric' of the universe, then life itself is constricted within the binds of the commands of a god which equals enslavement -- even if it's for a 'good' purpose because all 'good' things doesn't exist anyway because 'good will' always relies on 'bad decisions' to make it 'good'. It is a polarity of opposites attracting each other. It can also be used as a good sales technique -- which is exactly what it is anyway.

Also the "Will" of God cannot and doesn't fit the equality equation. If you look at what God wants, God wants for us to 'trust' him. Putting trust into another being is actually self-diminishment, and thus, one is not able to take self-responsibility for themselves to trust themselves. If God wants for his creation to 'trust' him, then that god is not actually taking the responsibility to direct him or herself, and thus, is not fit to manage / direct the universe. This point of trust in a God to direct the universe is actually dangerous because it allows abuse in all forms and levels -- which is exactly how relationships work within this reality. What happens when beings 'trust' each other? They can abuse each other freely within the relationship -- which is the reason that 'rape' exists because 'rape' is showing us exactly how relationships work -- a "good fuck" and move on, or a good 'mind-fuck' with each other for the duration of the relationship. The only difference between rape and relationships are that there are 'good feelings' in relationships that give relationships a 'specialness' to it that can last for a long time which is one of the elements that 'mind-fucks' consist of. Another element of mind-fucking each other in a relationship is pleasing the other individual -- which, in turn, allows abuse in the world to flourish because everyone's focusing on pleasing their partner rather than looking at the fucked-upness in this world. It's just like worshiping and trusting in God to clean up our shit. All of our energy is spent on trusting in God and not actually doing anything to change this reality practically.

Within the second section of the quote states "the Grace of God will not protect you". And if you put it together, it states, "The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." -- which means that there are some areas within this existence that God doesn't have control over because if God puts you in those positions, God wouldn't be able to protect you because those positions within existence has become 'uncontrollable' for God, or those positions have become so fucked-up that God can't even control its own creation. If one person is not able to exist in a particular position within this world, that means that the position has become so fucked up because of our acceptances and allowances in this world that it has become unlivable. I ask myself what those positions would be because apparently there are people in this world that are put in positions within this world that are so abusive, but apparently 'God' can still 'protect' us within these positions -- such as getting raped by someone, getting beat with whips for not obeying a master, literally eating shit to survive because food is non-existent, eating dirt patties to survive, and so on. Apparently according to the quote, God is able to 'protect' us within these positions which is why some of us are placed there right?

So every quote has an underlying source within it. One just has to open their eyes to reality and realize the bullshit behind the Will of God, or any other apparently enlightened quote. One can thus equalize themselves with all of creation as God and to ask Self, is this what I really want within this world? It is clearly not what I want. Thus, we are able to direct ourselves to a better world where no man will have to be protected from abuse at all -- because within the existence of 'protection' lies a form of abuse which allows 'protection' to exist and proliferate as something that is considered necessary.

Links:

1) A Common-Sensical Change Within This World Through Equal-Money

Equal Money is an approach that has been formulated in response to the humans proven inability to take care of life on earth in all its forms. Taking into consideration the state of the world as it currently exists where war, abuse, exploitation of resources and survival of the fittest is accepted as human nature. The redesigning of this nature has become the pivotal point that will decide the future of the human race.

To educate yourself and understand the science and mathematics of Equal Money is vital as the simplicity of this new financial system will astound you. In this first volume you will be introduced to a different way of thinking that will challenge you

2) What is Money in This World?

Money and why it is the Key to changing the world and yourself

3) And God Created Money

Are we merely subject to the creation of money, with no choice but to live by the laws of money. All decisions are not even our own - all decisions are only possible if we have money. Did God deliberately create money to force us into situations of abuse, starvation and death?

Is She a Man or a Woman?

2011-10-30T14:31:00.000-05:00

On October 17th 2011 in Facebook, I saw a picture of Grace Jones. I introduced a question if she (Grace Jones) is a man or a woman because I looked at the picture and liked it because here is a female that is expressing shades of masculinity and femininity together. An answer was given that she is a physical body -- signifying that it’s just a picture presentation.

I was then asked questions, "Is the 'Grace Jones' personality real?" and "What did I connect to the picture of Grace Jones?" I re-membered a time in the past where I was looking at the word 'androgyne¹' in Wikipedia and saw Grace Jones' picture as one on a list of contemporary trends of androgynes.

The question that I pose on myself is why did I react within such questions being asked? It is when I was asked if the Grace Jones personality is real after seeing a picture of Grace Jones and becoming mesmerized by it. The underlying point within all of this is the point of transgressing gender conformity within polarity. It 'excites' me to see a person that is transgressing gender conformity and playing around with gender identity. Because within that, is a point of redefining what it means to be masculine or feminine. But within all of the gender play, is still a point of limitation within the spectrum of gender identity because in order to transgress gender identity takes a conformity of gender roles to transgress them, in a sense, to create the appearance that one is defying gender laws. This, in turn, creates definitions such as transgender², genderqueer³, third-gender⁴, two-spirit⁵, gender-bender, pangender⁶, androgynous, etc.

If we are able to look at the word 'gender' in the dictionary, gender is the properties that distinguish organisms on the basis of their reproductive roles. As a simplistic example, a male has a penis, and a female has a vagina, but if everyone looks the same (had no penis nor a vagina), then there wouldn't be a polarity point to transgress. So it is within the point of the physical characteristics that births deterministic factors of what makes a male a male and a female a female according to the mind.

But if we are able to see, that the physical is expressing itself simplistically as the physical form that it is. It is simply the mind that differentiates one form from another through comparing that form with its perceived opposite. This is all how gender identity thus creates the point of 'transgenderism' as its polarity opposite. So how does one actually express one's own gender? It is simplistically to realize that Self is expressing itself as the breath within/as the form whether it's male or female -- thus not to conform within the form in separation through gender conformity (everything that makes a man a man or a woman a woman according to the mind) and gender transgression (everything that rebels those points according to the mind), but to realize that Self is equal and one as all that exists.

It is to also release Self from all points that Self perceives as what makes masculinity masculinity and femininity femininity. It is through the media wherein the feminine form is manipulated through cosmetics and then thus clinging to that definition of femininity through makeup, lipstick, the particular hairstyle and apparel that is defined as 'feminine', etc. And then through transgenderism, one is able to take that definition and manipulate the illusion of femininity and masculinity as a form of transgressing gender altogether. Thus, transgenderism becomes a different dimension of the mind within gender identity.

So therefore, we can redefine transgenderism as 'breath expression' -- realizing that Self is not defined by being neither cisgender⁷ or transgender. Within breath expression, I am 'here'. I am all genders; I am no gender; I am the awareness of my 'breath' -- and it is within the awareness of me as the 'breath' that one realizes the stability of who they are. The 'breath' can be used as a stability point within breathing -- realizing that by being aware of the breath, as me, one is able to stabilize their existence as the breath in every event -- to not participate / react to the event in separation through the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, but instead, become the event as the breath. Within being aware of the breath, as me, one directs Self to remain stable in every moment -- in/as the event to not conform to the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions. Thus when one conforms to the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, one becomes the event in separation -- creating new definitions of Self as the mind in separation -- such as being cisgender or transgender because of how one perceives Self in separation to the experience that one experienced -- defining the experience as 'more than', thus, defining Self as 'less than' through ones own self-definitions that one has created as a 'balance point' -- thus not seeing / realizing that Self is all life 'here' as the 'breath' -- as all life -- as both polarities equal and one.

androgyne¹: referring to the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics
transgender²: a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies to vary from culturally conventional gender roles
genderqueer³: a catch-all term for gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary and heteronormativity
third-gender⁴: individuals who are categorized (by their will or by social consensus) as neither man nor woman, as well as the social category present in those societies who recognize three or more genders
two-spirit⁵: describes Indigenous North Americans who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups
pangender⁶: a term used to describe people who feel that they do not fit into binary genders, instead identifying as mixed gender (both male and female), or all gender labels altogether
cisgender⁷: an adjective used to describe an individual that conforms to the 'normal' gender roles of their 'assigned' gender

Using Reverse Psychology as Deception

2011-10-09T16:39:00.000-05:00

On Friday, October 8th, I had a desire to go to the movies. When I came home from work, "J's" appearance was as if she wasn't interested in going to the movies. So I asked her if she wants to go to the movies, and she said, "Yes." Through trying to please "J" I used reverse psychology to inform her that I won't be going to the movies because I judged her through her physical impressions as if she was 'tired', and didn't 'feel like' going. My impression was that she'll say, "Why aren't we going to the movies?" And from that inquiry, I would then know whether she is interested or not. The whole point of it was for me to acknowledge that it was really 'okay with her so I won't 'feel' as though I am influencing her to 'agree' with me for us to go to the movies.

Points I Saw Within This:

Desire to go to the movies
Hope that "J" wants to go to the movies
Manipulating "J" using Reverse Psychology to see if she wants to go to the movies
Belief that since I have accomplished the 'week' through work, I 'deserve' to celebrate by going to the movies.

Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to go to the movies instead of realizing that when and as I see myself participating in desire, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for desire to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that "J" wants to go to the movies instead of realizing that when and as I see myself 'hoping' for an 'experience' to manifest, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that I am the directive principle of me as me, and if I see myself, not honoring who I am one and equal, I direct the point, as me, to the other -- to thus to not manifest 'hope' as a self-dishonest 'effect' of/as the 'experience'. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate "J" by using Reverse Psychology to see if she wants to go to the movies instead of realizing that when and as I see myself participate in self-manipulation, I stop; I breath and I let go. I realize that using 'Reverse Psychology' is a self-dishonest point of manipulating the conversation. I am one and equal as the conversation. I do not accept or allow myself to go into a point of becoming 'less than' what is being conveyed as the communication. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I have accomplished the 'week' through work, I 'deserve' to celebrate by going to the movies instead of realizing that I have defined myself as a 'slave' because of the current system, thus, 'deserving' things is a product and polarity of believing that I don't have the 'right' or the 'privilege' to 'do things' that are considered 'entertaining'. When and as I see myself participate is judgement, I stop, I breathe, and I let go. I realize that this belief needs my participation for it to be 'real'. I realize that this is not best for me and not best for all. I stop my participation.

Giving Tips; Feeling 'Special'

2011-09-17T18:55:00.000-05:00

I gave hefty tips to some of the waitresses at a Thai restaurant that I go to sometimes. It appears now, though, that they are under new management with different people. I had one favorite that I "liked" within the previous management, therefore, I gave her hefty tips.

The question is, why did I like her though? I never sat down and investigated that point. I can say the reason that I liked her is because it was a polarity of what I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as. The reason that I liked her is because she is of a race that I defined as 'exotic' -- which is the Thai race. I specialized her anatomical structure, accent and complexion BECAUSE I defined myself as 'normal' as 'not special'.

So within that definition of defining someone that I have 'separated' myself from as 'special', I actually reveal my own self-abuse through symbols, concepts, beliefs, etc.

Not only did I define her as 'special' (through comparison), but I also judged her within/as symbols, concepts, beliefs, etc. (as limitation) within/as her only existent within/as a 'picture' (the three-dimensional physiological makeup).

Through/Within the comparison and judgment, there is a point of jealously of desiring to be 'her' -- to 'become special'. Therefore, I have separated 'specialness' within/as the attributes of a 'three-dimensional picture' (as the integrity of her physical body).

Points That I Saw Within This:

Defining myself as 'normal'

Defining myself as 'not special'

Belief that 'normal' and 'special' exists

Perceiving myself 'separate' from the Thai race

Defining myself as a 'black' person 'separate' from a 'Thai' person

Supporting the integrity of 'culture' to exist within/as 'personality'

Defining myself as a male 'separate' from a female

Giving tips in order for the waitresses to 'like' me

Giving tips as the 'declaration' that I am 'separate' from the Thai waitress that I believe is 'special'

Comparing the me with the 'Thai' waitress: examining and noting the similarities or differences between us to make me feel as 'special' as he

Judging the 'Thai' waitress: forming a critical opinion of the 'Thai' waitress according to her personality in relation to her physical attributes -- so that I can find some 'imperfections'with her to make her appear 'less special'

Belief that some people are 'perfect' and some people are 'not perfect' according to the shape of their physical body

Being jealous of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her race as 'more than'

Being jealous of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her as 'more than'

Competition with the 'Thai' waitress within/as comparison, judgment and jealousy

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'normal'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'not special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'normal' and 'special' exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the Thai race.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a 'black' person 'separate' from a 'Thai' person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the integrity of 'culture' to exist within/as 'personality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a male 'separate' from a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give tips in order for the waitresses to 'like' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give tips as the 'declaration' that I am 'separate' from the Thai waitress that I believe is 'special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with the 'Thai' waitress: examining and noting the similarities or differences between us to make me feel as 'special' as her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the 'Thai' waitress: forming a critical opinion of her according to her personality in relation to her physical attributes -- so that I can find some 'imperfections' with her to make her appear 'less special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some people are 'perfect' and some people are 'not perfect' according to the shape of their physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become 'jealous' of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her race as 'more than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become 'jealous' of the 'Thai' waitress because I defined her as 'more than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with the 'Thai' waitress within/as comparison, judgment and jealousy.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am Thai.

I am not Thai.

I am a female.

I am a male.

I am here.

I speak English.

I speak Thai.

I am not 'less than' language.

I am not 'more than' language.

Thai is not an 'exotic' language.

Exotic things do not exist.

I am exotic.

I am not exotic.

I am 'normal'.

I am 'not normal'.

I am 'special'.

I am 'not special'.

I am 'culture'.

I do not have a 'culture'.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'specialness' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'exotica' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'culture' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'personality' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'language' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'beliefs' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'gender' to create me. I create me.

I do not need to 'depend' on 'looks' to create me. I create me.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of desire, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for desire to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of competition, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for competition to exist within/as comparison, judgment and jealousy. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop my participation.

They Were Raised From the Dead and Became Younger

2011-09-07T19:08:00.001-05:00

On the morning of September 7th 2011, I had a dream about my step-dad's parents. My step-dad's parents recently died. The father died on June 22nd 2011, and the mother died 8 months later. I had a dream that I ran into them. I was walking near their house that they were living in when they were alive. I saw the father suddenly driving up in a black truck and he said, "Ol' Leon . . ." When I looked at him, his appearance was slightly younger (about mid 50s), and he was actually able to walk again: because earlier in his life, he had a stroke.

After a couple of minutes, the mother came out of the house. She appears to be in her mid 50s also, and she said, "Hey Leesy" (because my name is Leon, so I guess "Leesy" is short for that). She informed me that they were raised from the dead and now 'alive' again. All of the family was happy and it 'felt' as though 'life' came back to all of the family members.

The point of the blog is how memories 'capture' our integrity of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become. So for me, I have to do self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to be 'embraced' by the memories, and the 'identity' of who I was with Mr. and Mrs. Phillips -- which feeds the expression of the moment that it becomes so 'real' that we 'separate' ourselves into/as the 'structure' of the moment (the 'experience): which includes the pictures, the energetics, the sounds, the physical impressions, etc).

Points I Saw Within This:

Feeling good when Mrs. Phillips called me "Leesy"

Identifying myself with the name "Leesy"

Connecting the name "Leesy" with an 'energetic reaction' of adornment

Belief that Mr. and Mrs. Phillips were the 'personality' that they were when they were alive

Identification with the 'personality' of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Identification with who I am when communicating with Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Identification with the pictured-presentation of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Identification with the age of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Connecting the 'personality' of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips to their body when they were alive

Connecting the 'personality' of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips to their 'age' when they were alive

Connecting my personality to my body

Identifying myself as my body

Belief that I am limited to my 'age'

Belief that I am my age

Identifying myself with/as my age

Identifying myself with/as my name

Identifying myself with/as my race

Identifying myself with/as my height

Identifying myself with/as the 'energetic reactions' that I 'feel'

Identifying myself with/as the 'energetic reactions' that I 'feel' (such as 'love', 'adornment', righteous) when communicating to Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Identifying Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their names

Identifying Mr. and Mrs Phillips with the color of their skin

Identifying Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their age

Identifying Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their voice

Identifying Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their personality

Having memories of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Belief that the memories of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips are 'real'

Identification with the integrity of who I am and how I exist with/as a memory

Allowing 'memories' to exist within/as me

Perceive myself 'separate' from Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

Perceive myself 'separate' from 'life'

Belief that 'life' exists 'separate' from me

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'good' when Mrs. Phillips called me "Leesy" (when she was alive).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with the name "Leesy".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the name "Leesy" with an 'energetic reaction' of adornment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Mr. and Mrs. Phillips were the 'personality' that they were when they were alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the 'personality' of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with who I am when communicating with Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the pictured-presentation of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the age of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the 'personality' of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips to their body when they were alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the 'personality' of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips to their 'age' when they were alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my personality to my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am limited to my 'age'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am my age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as my age

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as my race.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself .with/as my height

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as the 'energetic reactions' that I 'feel' (on an everday basis).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as the 'energetic reactions' that I 'feel' (such as 'love', 'adornment', righteous) when communicating to Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their names.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify Mr. and Mrs Phillips with the color of their skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify Mr. and Mrs. Phillips with their personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the memories of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips are 'real'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the integrity of who I am and how I exist with/as a memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 'memories' to exist within/as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from 'life'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'life' exists 'separate' from me

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am life.

I am equal and one as all.

I am 'here'.

I am not defined by a memory.

I am not a memory.

I am not defined by a picture.

I am not defined by my name.

I am Leon.

I am not Leon.

I am not defined by my personality.

I am not defined by who I am when I was communicating to Mr. and Mrs. Phillips.

I am not defined by the name "Leesy".

I am not defined by energetic reactions.

I am not defined by 'energy'.

I am 'age'.

I am 'no age'.

I am not defined by my family.

I am not defined by a family.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of memories, I stop; I breath and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for memories to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all.

X-Men: The Physical As "More-Than"

2011-09-04T20:21:00.000-05:00

Spoiler Alert!

Today (September 4th 2001) Me and "J" went to the movies to watch X-Men First Class. I was 'mesmerized' by the physical phenomenon that took place. The X-Men are a group of beings that were genetically altered resulting in each one having various abilities such as manipulating one's own molecular structure at will (Mystique). Within the movie, large structures were moved around and manipulated at will -- such as huge chains, and submarines, and explosives. The effect of these structures caused me to become 'mesmerized'. "J" informed me that I was being mesmerized by the events. Therefore, I did self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to 'separate' me into / as 'limitation' in which within that limitation form a point of being mesmerized by events that I believe that are 'larger' than me.

Points I Saw Within This:

Perceiving myself 'separate' from 'the physical'

Belief that something can be attained 'separate' from me and calling that ability

Defining things perceived 'separate' from me as an 'ability'

Belief that 'ability' exists

Becoming 'mesmerized' by 'physical phenomena' that is believed to be 'more than' me

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the 'physical'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something can be attained 'separate' from me, and so, define that 'attainment' as an 'ability'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things that I have 'separated' myself from as an 'ability'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'ability' exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become 'mesmerized' by physical phenomena that is believed to be 'more than' me.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am 'life'.

I am 'ability'.

I am 'no ability'.

I am equal and one as all that exists.

I am 'the physical'.

I am 'here'.

I am 'power'.

Power is not 'separate' from me.

I am not 'less than' or 'more than' the 'physical'.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of 'belief', I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it needs my participation for me to become 'mesmerized' through the participation within/as 'polarity' because of the belief that I am 'less than' the physical - for this to exist. I realize that this is not 'best for me', and not 'best for all'. I stop my participation within this.

Fear of Death and My Realization

2011-08-30T23:08:00.000-05:00

I was watching a television show called "1000 Ways to Die". There was a man that backed his car up into his ski board. The car made the ski board turn a certain way wherein the man's neck touched the side of the ski board and pushed his neck into the window shield. From this point, the man's spinal cord severed into two internally and the man instantly died.

I experienced, from this point, fear because I looked at how the electricity flow through the body to and from the spinal cord. And I realize how I identify myself with/as the electricity flow, and when it stops, I stop.

A couple of weeks earlier, I was looking at pictures on Rotten.com and how there were pictures of chopped-up people, in which , I had the same fear. I realize how I identify myself with/as the muscles that assist with the movement of the body, and that when it's chopped up, it cannot move. And when it cannot move, I stop moving.

Points I Saw Within This:

Fear of being chopped up

Fear of my spinal cord being severed

Identifying who I am as the 'electric currents' within the body in separation from the rest of the body

Perceiving myself 'separate' from the muscles of the body

Identifying myself with/as the muscles of the body

Belief about how the body works

Belief that an 'internal brain map' exists

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fear of being chopped up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fear of my spinal cord being severed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that electric currents exist within the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify who I am as 'electric currents' within the body in separation from the rest of the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the muscles of the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the muscles of the body that moves the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the knowledge and information about how the body works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that, according to knowledge and information, an 'internal brain map' exists within/as my brain.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am life.

I am my body.

I am 'here'.

I am 'death'.

I am 'no death'.

I am the 'breath'.

I am one and equal as all life.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by knowledge and information.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by an 'internal brain map' in the brain.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself fear death, I stop, I breath, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation for me to fear to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all. I stop mind participation.

Narcissism, Self Forgiveness... What is 'Best for All'?

2011-08-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, August 25th 2011 at 4:32 pm I posted a self-forgiveness quote stating: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse 'love' by defining love within memories instead of defining love as the expression that I am in every moment 'here'. On that day, I was assisting and supporting myself within the construct of memories, and how we allow memories to define who we are and how we exist -- by doing self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to define who I am in relation to my memories. There were some comments left subsequently on Facebook, in which "J", who I am in agreement / 'relationship' with, saw some points related to 'love' which she has memories of in her 'past' relationship. She was able to do self-forgiveness for that, and self-correction. I was also able to direct some points that "C. M." had with regards to being self-absorbed because she saw self-forgiveness as a form of narcissism. I realized that I didn't only assist myself, but assisted others as me:

"J": Did you have a SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENT and SELF CORRECTIVE APPLICATION for this? (Friday at 7:07am)

"J": I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to abuse love by defining love within memories of my past relationships not realizing that love is one and equal as all life as i live it in every moment of breath, in my words and my actions. (Friday at 8:12am)

"J": My Self Corrective Statement: I am love as life- i live love - i am life one and equal as all. (Friday at 8:14am)

"J": My Self Corrective Application: When and as i see myself having memories of how i experience love within past relationships - i stop - i breath and let go. I realise that it needs my participation within memories for this to exist. i realise this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all. I stop participating. (Friday at 8:16am)

"CM": With all the self forgiveness, do you have time to think of anyone other than yourself? Being narcissistic or self absorbed is a serious problem too. (Friday at 3:45pm)

. . .

Leon: When doing self-forgiveness, we are giving ourselves back to ourselves in a way because we have 'separated' ourselves from everything -- which is the reason that relationships exist in/as polarity. A polarity is a relation between two opposite attributes or tendencies. Therefore, relationships exist as one polarity (person) relating to an 'opposite' polarity (person). Therefore, we have never given ourselves to ourselves because we have been searching for ourselves "out there" somewhere. So saying "I" in self-forgiveness, we are able to give ourselves back to ourselves in which we never did. This is why the system exists the way it does (existent in polarity) which, inevitably, creates its reflection -- which is 'war' and 'hate'. So, within self-forgiveness, we have to realize that everything that exists as a mental and systematic structure is not real because it's based on polarity. (Friday at 3:59pm)

Leon: Oh and another thing, when this polarity is non-existent, the only thing left is SELF (I), and so within that, we realize that we are the only thing that exists AS the relationships with other.... AS self-willed.... AS power.... AS LOVE, AS HATE, AS LIFE, AS ALL THAT EXISTS. (Friday at 4:05pm)

"CM": Sounds nice, but I also think that when you take some time to focus on other's you naturally heal yourself (Friday at 4:07pm)

Leon: Yeah, we can help others out, but that other person will NEVER change until they change themselves. It all starts and ends with ( I ). The "best" help that can be given is when we are able to teach people how to take self-responsibility in what they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become, and self-forgiveness is a way to DECLARE self-responsibility as a point of self-direction and self-discipline. (Friday at 4:12pm)

"CM": True, but if you are too focused on yourself, you can't teach another person or help another person. We ARE connected to other people, and seeing beyond yourself is when you truly grow. (Friday at 7:20pm)

Leon: We are not 'connected' to other individuals; That implies separation. We are that other person. I am you. You are me. We are all one entity. The mind only tends to see ourselves from 'separate' points of views. (Friday at 7:26pm)

"CM": Well if you are me, then you would be interested in helping me as much as you are interested in helping yourself (Friday at 7:35pm)

Leon: (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to help another "in separation" of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "desire" to be fulfilled by "pleasing" another person through the act of "kindness".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "desire" to be "gratified" by "pleasing" another person through the act of "kindness".

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that everything "here" supports me, and so within not realizing that, "seek help" in separation of me from another believing that they have the "answer".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am "more than" the person that I am helping, and so within that, use "kindness" to satisfy the person that I am helping to make me feel "more special".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate a relationship through "helping" and "kindness" instead of teaching that person what it means to take self-responsibility for themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need help, instead of first, taking self-responsibility to find the answer as myself. (Friday at 9:06pm)

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am one and equal as all.

All relationships are self-relationships.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of narcissism, which is an exceptional interest in and admiration for myself, I stop; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation in 'memories' for me to be narcissistic, as narcissism is only used to justify the polarity of my belief that I am not being 'appreciated enough', and/or my belief that I need 'attention' from others to 'feel good' (which I did not 'see' because I was self-dishonest). I realize that this is not 'best for me', and not 'best for all'.

Link:

1) The End of Self-Awareness P5

Conflict of Business Interests II: Self Direction Within What Is 'Best for All'

2011-08-27T15:47:00.001-05:00

I decided to quit "North American Power" which is an energy business that is also focused on promoting green energy by selling renewable energy certificates (RECs) to consumers.

Why Did I Quit North American Power?

North American Power, from my perspective, is a practical business where, theoretically, one is able to make quick income. The business structure is a multi-level marketing strategy in which the sales force is compensated not only for the sales that they personally generate, but also for the sales of others they recruit, creating a downline of distributors and a hierarchy of multiple levels of compensation.

In my last Conflict of Business Interests blog, I stated that "J" was involved with another business. Alongside with that business, "J" also decided to be a part of North American Power to assist the agreement / relationship. By joining me and by walking with me, she can then be there "as me" to know where I am, and am coming from.

Although, North American Power is a theoretically a practical business, the reason that I quit North American Power is because it is not 'best for all'. What's 'best for all' is that I work with the group that we're involved in together to help promote what is 'best for all man' -- as a point where each man is able to live a dignified life by giving each individual an equal monetary value, and teaching man, the concept of what it means to be and live as 'equals'.

I wasn't able to focus on this point much because I was 'moving fast' attempting to promote North American Power wherein, I didn't give myself sufficient time to participate and promote the processes that our group is participating and promoting in/as. Although, the practicality of North American Power is adequate, and I was also going to utilize the revenue to implement into the funds to promote the tools that we are utilizing to further our implications, many of our colleagues are within structures that are also coordinated in a way wherein each man is able to earn a substantial amount of income within the application of Desteni and Equal Money.

Links:

1) Desteni

2) Equal Money

3) Renewable Energy Certificates

4) Conflict of Business Interests (1st Blog)

5) Providing Environments for What's 'Best For All'

Boy's Night Out

2011-08-22T14:08:00.000-05:00

My uncle called me and asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him. That night me and "J" were actually trying to see a movie called "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." The "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" is an origin story set in present day San Francisco (2011), where man's own experiments with genetic engineering lead to the development of intelligence in apes and the onset of a war for supremacy. I wanted to see it because I saw a quote on someone's wall that said:

Yep, i reiterate!! We do need it all! (Re)Establishing sane relations with All Life is crucial; Dedomesticating (Decolonizing, Decivilizing), or Rehumanizing (Rewilding, Healing). Lots of what's needed is in the works...One thing lotsa people are overlooking - and they gotta change that - is the Vital Need of those willing and fully able to kick the sh&* outta the Psychopath in the room...Embrace them as the rest of those who are working to make things better for their loved ones, and ultimately, All Life. ~ Quoted by Misko Stephane Collette

I didn't want to see the movie initially because I connected it to the first movie (which I didn't like). So my uncle called me up and ask if I wanted to go with them, and I informed him that "J" and I are also going to see the same movie, and that we can meet you guys at the same theater. My uncle asked, "Who is we?" Because within the conversation, I didn't mention "J's" name. I just stated "we". So I told him "Me and J".

My uncle then stated that this is "Boy's Night Out". I then asked him can "J" come with us, but he declined based on the "Boy's Night Out" theme. I concisely informed him that that is 'separation': meaning that small instances such as this is the reason why male and female differentiation, separation, and war, exists, because it all starts from 'specializing' a specific sex and then forming "personality patterns" of these points which unconsciously creates 'separation' between the two sexes -- which is why 'desire points' and 'aversion points' exist amongst the two sexes.

Points I Saw Within This:

Having memories of me as a 'male' and so within that, see "Boy's Night Out" as 'special'
Supporting who I am as the 'personality' of how I define myself as a 'male'
Having an aversion for watching the second "Planet of the Apes" movie because of the first one

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of me being a 'male', and so within that, see "Boy's Night Out" as something 'special'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support who I am as the 'personality' of how I define myself as a 'male', and so within that, create a "Boy's Night Out" event to support my ego of me as a 'male', and the definitions that I define a male as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the first "Planet of the Apes" movie with the second one, and so within that, have an aversion for watching the second movie.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am the breath 'here'.

I am 'life'.

I am equal and one as all.

I am masculinity.

I am femininity.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my body.

'Til here no further: I am not defined as how I perceive myself as being a 'man'.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of body identification, I stop; I breathe; I stand, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation for me to identify as the body and form personality points from how I perceive myself within/as the body based on memories, associations and self-judgments. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

2011-08-21T13:00:00.000-05:00

Warning: Movie Spoiler!

On Saturday, August 21st 2011, "J" and I went to see Mr. Popper's penguins. Our starting point for going to the movies was to see a 'random' movie to fuck with the mind as 'desire' because I originally wanted to see The Green Lantern.

So we watched a couple of trailers and decided watch 'Mr. Popper's Penguins' because it had animals in it. I was never interested in this movie from a 'desire' perspective, but the movie turned out to be 'pretty good'. One of the good things about watching movies is that I am able to see points. I saw a couple of points in this movie that I'd like to share and do self-forgiveness for them.

Points I Saw When Watching Mr. Popper's Penguins:

Mr. Popper was in a restaurant interviewing an owner of the it to make a sales deal. He didn't want to sit on a particular table because he associated that table with a memory of his father. His father used to take him and his wife to the restaurant sometimes for dinner.

I kept my blanket I had since childhood because I didn't want to 'lose' a part of me (my childhood). "J" told me that I should get rid of the blanket, but I had resistance. I knew that it was torn, but it was a part of my life. "J" put it in a bag to get rid of it. I felt a sense of 'loss', but I did self-forgiveness thereafter.

Mr. Popper's Daughter, Janie, gets emotional when a guy named Cooper Keegan asks her to dance, but never calls her.

Before the agreement with "J", there was a 'female' that I liked because she was the 'reflection' of how I felt about what I perceived myself to be. I met her at Lenny's Sub Shop. She didn't give me her number right away, but I got her number a few times after going there. She invited me to a club one night, and I got a chance to dance intimately with her. It felt good. I thought that maybe it could develop into a relationship. I tried to get into a relationship with her a few times, but she always told me that she didn't want a relationship. She said that she was trying to get herself together. One day she called me and we talked. One point that came up was that she told me that some people are just not meant to be together, but I didn't want to accept this. I believed that we were 'meant' to be together, so I didn't give up on wanting to be in a relationship with her. One day I went over her house, and was tired of her 'shady' ways. She always had 'walls' built around her, so I 'expressed' that anger (and tried to break the walls) by being honest about how I felt. She told me that she was going next door; I went out with her, but she said that she didn't want to see me again. I tried to shake her hand, but she flicked it away. Subsequently, I went to the car and started crying.

Mr. Popper's Daughter, Janie, went to an apparel shop to shop for some clothes for the 'Snow Ball Dance' with Cooper Keegan. She tried several different clothes, but was never satisfied with her looks. When she finally chose something to wear, she showed her father and brother, and they both told her that she looked 'pretty'.

Before the agreement with "J", there was a girl that I was attracted to. She was one of my closest acquaintances. I had a desire to have a relationship with her and to fuck her. She has thick legs which was one of my primary points of attraction to her. One day she wore something that was more 'revealing' and I judged her as 'pretty' because of the clothes and the make-up she had on.

General Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate that which is real and physical 'here', with a memory of my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will 'lose' a part of me (my childhood) if I get rid of my blanket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from "A", and so within that, believe that I was 'meant' to be with 'her' (in a relationship).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the body (which is real) to concepts of 'pretty' and 'ugly' (which is not real).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the body (which is real) to concepts of 'attractive' and 'unattractive' (which is not real).

Self-Corrective Statements:

'Til here no further: I am not defined by childhood experiences.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by adulthood experiences.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by relationships.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by gender.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by the past.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by desire.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by concepts.

Note: Most adjectives are concepts such as: pretty, ugly, smart, dumb, powerful, weak.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of reliving the past, I stop, I stand, I breath, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation for memories and associations to exist. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all.

Eating Salads / Investigating Desire for 'Tasty' Foods

2011-08-21T12:32:00.000-05:00

From the start of Tuesday, August 16th to Tuesday, August 23rd, "J" and I decided to eat salad, nuts, and fruits within this time frame to assist our process within food mind-constructs with regards to beliefs within/about food, judgments, justifications, etc.... how food, which is real is, in fact, being used to satisfy our desires.

For the first three days, I ate salad with ranch dressing (along with nuts and fruits). On Friday, August 19th, I ate salad without the dressing, and on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I ate a diversity of salad, nuts, and fruits, with other types of salad (such as pasta salad).

For the first three days, I noticed the point of desire from the perspective of desiring other types of food such as 'starchy' foods: which are one of the primary types of foods that 'fill' me up. I also desire the taste of foods that such as 'Indian' food (in general) which is high in starch. Although, salad did fill me up to the point wherein I became full, I was still 'hungry' for some 'tasty' food.

On Friday, August 19th, I ate salad without dressing -- which I believed was 'difficult' for me because there wasn't any taste. I 'experienced' a whole other 'taste' of food, and realized that most of the foods we eat are dependent on the 'taste' rather than simply eating it as the 'raw' integrity of it. On Saturday, August 20th until Monday, August 22nd, I ate a diversity of salad, nuts, and fruits with other types of salad (such as pasta salad).

The taste, overall, was 'more diverse', but in turn after eating a week of salad, I decided that I would be 'better off' with something that had 'starch' in it -- such as bread. Therefore, on August 25th I ate some Cici's pizza. On that following day, I began vomiting because my stomach couldn't handle the pizza.

So after eating the pizza, I decided to start eating salads again because my starting point of eating the pizza was based on 'desire' and the belief that I will be 'full' when I eat the pizza. Therefore, I informed myself that I will eat more salads because the body is able to get full from salads. It is only my 'desire' that 'wants more' to eat, which in turn, creates the 'hunger' for more food.

Points I Saw Within This:

Belief that I am still hungry after eating salads

Belief that the desire for 'tasty' foods is real

Belief that I will be 'unhealthy' if I don't eat the foods that I desire

Belief that I will not be 'me' if I don't eat the foods that I desire

Belief that eating 'tasty' foods is an 'expression'

Abusing the 'expression' of foods by judging them as 'tasty' / 'untasty'

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am still hungry after eating salads.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the desire for 'tasty' foods is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be 'unhealthy' if I don't eat the foods that I desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not be 'me' if I don't eat the foods that I desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that eating 'tasty' foods is an 'expression'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'abuse' the 'expression' of foods by judging them as 'tasty' / 'untasty'.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am the 'breath'.

I am 'life'.

I am one and equal as the food that I eat.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by the foods that I eat.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of desiring food, I stop; I stand; I breath, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation for me to generate the 'hunger' of desiring food. I realize that this is not best for me, and not 'best for all'. I stop my participation within this, which stops 'mind' participation as it.

Self-Forgiveness & Christmas

2011-08-10T21:46:00.000-05:00

Today (August 10th 2011), I decided to turn on some Christmas music when driving to eat out with "J" at a restaurant. It was getting late, and my span of choices were 'running out', so I decided on the 'random act of madness' of Christmas in August.

This was my starting point, but once I started listening to the music, energetic points started to emerge of me hanging out with my family when I was younger on Christmas Day. When I was younger, I had a good time hanging out with my family on Christmas. I remember one Christmas day; it was sunny outside, and I was playing a video game called 'Super Mario World' with my step-dad. My mom and my step-dad were together back then, and we had a lot of presents under the tree. We went out that day over our family's for Christmas. So I did self-forgiveness for associating the integrity of who I am / how I exist with the past. I also did self-forgiveness for believing that who I am is suppose to be the 'personality' that I 'expressed' at that time -- instead of realizing that I am not defined by the 'personality' of who I was and who I am now, but am simplistically the breath 'here' in every moment. So it was some cool self-forgiveness points on associations and beliefs.

Points I Saw Within This:

To associate the moment 'here' with an energetic point in the past with/as the relationship of the 'Christmas Spirit'

To perceive Christmas as 'real'

To perceive the 'Christmas Spirit' as 'real'

To associate Christmas with a memory of being with my family

To associate 'Christmas' music with a memory of being with my family

To associate 'Christmas' music with the 'Christmas Spirit' (which is not real)

To associate a moment defined as 'Christmas' to relaxation

To associate 'Christmas' music as a time to relax

To associate Christmas with my childhood

To associate 'Christmas' music with my childhood

Belief that I 'missed' Christmas times with my family

Belief that I 'missed' childhood times with my family

To associate the video game 'Super Mario World' with good times with my family.

To associate presents with Christmas.

Belief that who I am is suppose to be the 'personality' that I 'expressed' in my younger years

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the moment 'here' with an energetic point in the past with/as the relationship of the 'Christmas Spirit' (which is not real).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive Christmas as 'real' instead of realizing that I am the breath 'here' not defined and not separate from the mind construct as Christmas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive the 'Christmas Spirit' as 'real' instead of realizing that I am the breath 'here' not defined and not separate from the mind construct as Christmas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate Christmas with a memory of being with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'Christmas' music with a memory of being with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'Christmas' music with the 'Christmas Spirit' (which is not real).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate a moment defined as 'Christmas' to relaxation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'Christmas' music as a time to relax.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate Christmas with my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'Christmas' music with my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'missed' Christmas times with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 'missed' childhood times with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is suppose to be the 'personality' that I 'expressed' in my younger years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the video game 'Super Mario World' with good times with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate presents with Christmas.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the collective creation of Christmas and thus not 'separate' from it as I perceive it as 'special'.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am the breath 'here'.

I am 'Christmas'.

I am not 'Christmas'.

I am the 'Christmas Spirit'.

I am not the 'Christmas Spirit'.

I am the creator of 'Christmas'.

I am not the creator of 'Christmas'.

I am my childhood.

I am not my childhood.

I am my adulthood.

I am not my adulthood.

I am my memories.

I am not my memories.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of memories, I stop, I stand, I breathe, and I let go. I realize that it takes my participation for me to connect with my memories, thus in turn, creating energetic points that I use to 'mind-fuck' myself with. I realize that this is not best for me, and not best for all.

Precarious Agreement; Family Time

2011-07-28T15:22:00.001-05:00

The agreement with "J" is precarious from the perspective of wanting to be solitary sometimes. My association with "J" has been very involved, but before the agreement, I was able to 'freely' move around and associate with other members of my family and friend. Although I was dishonest before, being with "J" has opened up the point of me taking self-responsibility in being self-honest around others. Although, I still want to 'acquaint' with other people sometimes: from the perspective that I want time spent away from "J" to hang with my family, play video games, watch movies and what-not, me and "J" do associate together with my family. From my understanding with "J" though, the conversation about spending time with family by myself concludes that the relationships that I have aren't real anyway so what would be the starting point of associating with my family/friends? From my perspective, one is able to transcend specific points not only within an agreement, but with family/friends, and also have the ability to assist and support them as what they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become.

There is a point with my step-father where I connect playing the video game with the times that we spent together in the past playing video games when everything was not as 'difficult' from the perspective of the survival strategies that it takes to maintain a living, but otherwise, it is a cool way to 'relax' from the 'stressful' environment of the 'workforce'. Although stress doesn't exist intrinsically, it has been created as the 'fabric' of survival to 'squeeze' the most money out of an individual through the 'sweat' of a brow.

I do also 'miss' the family times that my mom and step-father had together when they were 'together' as a married couple -- which would be another reason for wanting to play video games with my step-dad. Although the relationship, intrinsically, wasn't real, I simply 'enjoy' the time spent with my step-father while he is still around. My self-forgiveness that I do is, for one, forgiving myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in being self-honest in every moment while I am with him. Another self-forgiveness point is associating playing the game with him with my 'past' relationship with him as a 'child' and him as my 'step-father' married to my mother. Another self-forgiveness statement is realizing that although, I might be 'enjoying' myself, to realize that the relationship, intrinsically, is fabricated, thus to not react as the 'program' within the program, but as the self 'here' within/as the family structure of my step-father.

This point has caused a precarious agreement that almost ended because it is as though I am 'suffocated' under her as I have been around her, primarily, than anyone else since the agreement -- which is one of the primary reasons why I left Christianity due to me being 'suffocated' in one area of life rather than allowing myself to be 'involved socially' with 'the rest of the world'. Within this point, I am able to assist myself as I assist others within the social endeavor. The way that I see it is that I shouldn't, because I am in agreement with "J", be around her virtually all of the time.

Points I Saw Within This:

Feeling that it is 'wrong' to be with my family

Desire to be in solitude

Aversion to be around "J"

Not taking self-responsibility in being self-honest in every moment

Associating playing the game with my step-dad with my 'past' relationship with my him as a 'child'

Belief that 'stress' exists

Belief that my step-father is my step-father

Belief that my step-father was married to my mom

Belief that my mom is my mom

Belief that my family is my family

Wanting a back-door out of the agreement

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is 'wrong' to be with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is 'wrong' to be with my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a desire to be in solitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to be around "J".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in being self-honest in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate playing the game with my step-dad with my 'past' relationship with him as a 'child'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'stress' exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my step-father is my step-father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my step-father was married to my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mom is my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my family is my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a back-door out of the agreement.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am 'here'.

I am Self.

I am not defined by my family.

I am not defined by my image.

I do not have a step-dad. The being that is within/as the body of my step-dad is equal and one as who I am 'here'.

I do not have a mother. The being that is within/as the body of my mother is equal and one as who I am 'here'.

I am equal and one as all that exists.

I am not defined by relationships.

I am not defined by memories.

I am not defined by who I was as a child.

I am not defined by thoughts.

I am not defined by feelings.

I am not defined by emotions.

I am not defined by the 'workforce'.

I am not defined by stress.

I am not defined by the agreement with "J".

I am agreement.

I am not 'separate' from "J".

I am the breath.

I am life.

The relationship with "B" (my step-dad) intrinsically doesn't exist.

The relationships with "O" (my mother) intrinsically doesn't exist.

The relationship with my family intrinsically doesn't exist.

The relationship with "B" is the result of a program.

The relationship with "O" is the result of a program.

The relationships with my family is the result of different programs.

The relationship with "B" is the result of biological attributes that mathematically equal to the specific relationship that we have.

The relationship with "O" is the result of biological attributes that mathematically equal to the specific relationship that we have.

The relationships with my family is the result of biological attributes that mathematically equal to the specific relationships that we have.

Conflict of Business Interests

2011-07-25T09:56:00.000-05:00

Before the agreement with "J", I was involved with a company who's primary product is a natural male-enhancement supplement. I was told by a friend of mine about the business opportunity whom I was initially his down-line in another 18-year business that fell off.

Subsequently, I got involved with an agreement with "J" wherein there was a conflict of business interest which ended the agreement. With that ending the agreement, we looked at the points and decided to get back together. "J" then joined the business and we have been working together successfully with each other within the business.

After some "media shock" from competitors of male-enhancement, the company had to do a 'recall'. A 'nefarious' competitor sent in spiked samples of their product to the FDA. One was not in original packaging, but in a glass tube and weighted more than their normal product, and was spiked with 140 mg of Sildenafil (50mg is a normal dose). The flagship erectile dysfunction product was under a forced recall by the FDA for containing the illegal drug.

Thus, the company we are involved in ended up also changing its formula to a different formula in which our 'up-line' (me and the one that introduced me to the company) finally stated that he is going to another business because of the changes implemented which fumbles with the integrity of the company.

So our up-line went to a company that is dedicated to marketing products that leave our planet greener, provide our customers substantial savings and offer our independent entrepreneurs a sustainable long term business opportunity. The goal of this company is to reduce the world’s dependency on fossil fuels and also reduce emissions in at least 10% of the world’s vehicles. By using and promoting tablets for your car that is comprised of an organo-metallic metal conditioner that acts as a burn rate modifier which catalyzes fuel. This action allows more of the fuel to burn in the power stroke of the engine and therefore less fuel burns in the exhaust stroke.

I was excited about it. My goal was to get a 'good position' in the company since our up-line personally knew well-known people within the business (that's also been in the industry) that was above him. I personally spoke with one of the people that he knew that made millions of dollars selling a similar product in the past. The benefit I saw was that if he's able to promote people into the business, I am also able to promote people into the business for a low investment price. As he builds the team, my 'position' within the business also grows since his down-line would also be my down-line. I would then have more 'clout' because we would all be working together equal & one -- within the business.

The lasting of the business was minimal because our up-line told me that he moves where the 'money' is. I was always 'okay' with moving where he went since he's made six-figures in the past and knew where the most financially practical companies are at. My goal was simply to get a good position and if it does happen to grow, then at least I would have a good position and grow it from there. My 'fallback' was paying $600.00 to become part of the Founder's Club which 'broke' me.

So from paying that $600.00, my interest in the next business that he moved to was not so high, but it was one of the simplest companies to be involved in that didn't have an initial investment fee. The product was selling a renewable energy source that's made in the USA. Using the power of wind as a natural resource in America.

I found this to be most practical because there isn't an initial investment fee to be a business member, but one still has to pay for the product which is only $19.50 a month, or switch electrical services (that is only available in some of the New England states at the time when writing this blog).

A little bit after finding this opportunity, we found another opportunity that has no initial investment fee, but in order to become a member, an investment is necessary which may be exorbitant for people that do not have sufficient income to be a member. Thus, there are advantages and disadvantages in both companies: information-wise, financially, etc.; my primary goal was to get involved with something that has a low initial investment fee for all to join or no initial investment fee in order to precipitate funds primarily for Desteni.

So this is where we are now = a conflict of business interests. "J" sees the business that she's in as working it with the group that we're involved in -- creating more 'force' to 'move' the business together as we, in turn, 'move' the group to 'greater levels'. I see the business that I am in, getting people involved by simply investing in the product for $19.95 a month as they tell their friends and family about it. With such a low investment fee (investing in the product or switching electrical service), I see it as more 'financially practical' from the perspective of benefiting 'more' people that do not have sufficient income. I will continue to work with "J" with the business that she's in; I am also in it too because I do have interest in that -- as I continue to work mine also.

Self-Forgiveness Over Everything

2011-07-24T18:55:00.001-05:00

Within the relationship / agreement that I am in, I am doing self-forgiveness over every point that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. Before the agreement, I would do self-forgiveness, but from a 'conscious' perspective. But doing self-forgiveness from an unconscious perspective is different because from an unconscious perspective, there is no 'reason' to follow. I would follow 'reason' because that would be the only way that I know how to do self-forgiveness.

Say for instance that I am eating some food. I would do self-forgiveness for the point of perceiving myself 'separate' from the food. I would ask "J", "Why am I doing self-forgiveness over this? I'm just eating." But within the point of eating food, there may be some unconscious points that I am accepting and allowing by perceiving myself 'separate' from the food. For instance, believing that I desire the food in order for me to be 'fulfilled' / happy. Within my research, there are people that actually eat food consistently to cover up their depression. Thus, this point exists consciously, this would be a conscious reason for doing self-forgiveness over this point -- even though 'I myself' may not be aware of any conscious points / relationship-ties tied to that self-forgiveness statement.

I may also perceive myself 'separate' from food because of my belief that it provides me with the 'nutrition' that I need in order to be / remain 'healthy'. Health, in itself, has a big fuck-up around it because the reason why many health products / 'health-related' food within/as the health-industry exist and the reason why some illnesses exist is because it is an 'unconscious play-out' of our acceptance and allowance of our unconscious fears, as a collective, that drives the health industry and illnesses.

And so within that, I am still 'struggling' over this point of doing self-forgiveness 'unconditionally' -- because I have been living within/as 'reason' my whole life, and 'reason' is simply the 'reasoning' of how the mind interacts within/as this physical reality. 'Reason' is the 'glue' that holds the mind in place -- and 'validates' the statements, "I am only human.".... "but I don't understand.".... "why do I have to do self-forgiveness for this point?".... "So you're saying I'm 'wrong' for doing this?"....

Links:

1) Common Sense as Reptilian Logic

2) The EXCUSE: I am Only Human

My Belief of Needing Energy to Exist Through Sex

2011-07-24T16:58:00.001-05:00

Ever since I was young, there was a point wherein I thought if I didn't have the 'energy' necessary to exist, I would not exist. There were some females in the past. I remember their names clearly. They were one of the first females that I was attracted to. At that time, I didn't know about masturbation, so I simply rubbed my nipples to get pleasure, but as I was doing that, I imagined me getting 'energy' transferred from them to me -- so I can 'exist'. I saw their physical bodies as 'enticing', and so within that, I judged myself as 'less than', and believed that without this energy, I would no longer exist. This energy I defined as 'sexual energy', and believed that 'attractive' women were the only type of women that possessed this energy.

As I grew older, that energetic point changed from primarily Hispanic women, whom I was attracted to primarily within my earlier years, to 'white' women because of the belief that 'white' women has more 'status' within the world because of several factors that I acknowledged such as how, within the past, black men were slaves of 'white' people.

Superiority and Inferiority in the Black and White Race

We can see within the 'more than' and 'less than' polarities, that each race supported the other race to exist as how they were existing at that time physically -- both each within the 'more than' polarity and within the 'less than' polarity simultaneously. Both polarities accepted themselves as 'less than', but the manifestation of that point was different for the two races. Have a look:

1) The black race stated, "We are 'less than', so we have to have a group of people that supports our belief that we are 'less than'.

2) The white race stated, "We are 'less than', so we have to make ourselves believe that we are 'more than' -- by & through the definitions that we have adhered to, as 'white people', according to books, historical entities / references, religious dogma, etc. -- that we have 'made special', and so within that, judge our physical bodies as 'special' based on these various theoretical affirmations. So we have to have a group of people that supports our belief that we are 'superior'.

And so within the starting-point of defining themselves as 'less than' IS the 'superiority' being played out as 'less than' within both races. We see that the definition of 'superiority' is: the quality of being at a competitive advantage. We see that both races were competing with the point of being 'less than' in different ways which was both races 'favorable position'. So the point of 'superiority' as a belief within 'white' people wasn't real, but was used as a 'cover-up' of their belief that they were inferior -- which is also not real. The point of 'inferiority' as a belief within 'black' people wasn't real either, but was used as a 'support' for the 'white race' to control', which WAS the 'unconscious control' that the black race had 'over' the 'white race' -- which is also not real.

So within this point, I allowed myself to 'believe' that white women are 'more than' me, and thus, need 'energy' from them necessary to exist. That is why 'white women' are so attractive to me because I have perceived myself 'separate' from them. I perceived their skin as 'superior'. When there is 'attraction' there is a point of separation present, but is not seen, because all that is seen is a big ass, or a big tit, but never the underlying point. Behind the attraction there is, for me, a 'desire' to fuck a female in order to feel 'equal' to them. That is why many men get 'dissatisfied' after the first 'fuck' because all of the female's energy has been transferred into them. Desteni states this literally.... what a fuck-up.

Sexual Power in 'Cultural' Women

Earlier, I mentioned that before I was 'possessed with the point that 'white' women has more 'status' within the world because of several factors that I acknowledged such as how, within the past, black men were 'slaves' of 'white' people, and so within that, created a prominent attraction with 'white women'.

Before 'white' women I was attracted to 'cultural' women, prominently Hispanic. There were two Hispanic females that I went to school with that I thought were attractive based on how I perceived myself 'separate' from them. At night time, I would rub my nipples to them while thinking about them and believe that I was receiving energy from them as I would think about them putting their hands on my temples. I connected 'culture' with sex and believed that the more 'dirty brown' someone's skin is, the more 'cultural' they are, and so within that, have more 'sexual energy' to give.

I looked at the starting point of this 'desire' for cultural women and it originates from an identification of how I believe that I was 'special' because I perceived myself as an 'Arabic boy' in a 'past life' before I was reincarnated from an Arabic boy to a 'black' child (in this life).

As an 'Arabic boy', I perceived myself as having 'dirty brown' soft skin, and perceived my family as 'powerful people' in this perceived past life, and so I defined that 'culture', which includes, the thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, definitions / identifications about who they were, that each one agreed upon as, in 'separation' of me as the 'breath' -- equal and one as all life 'here'.

And so within this lifetime, I perceived myself as having 'lack of' that 'power' because of being born into a 'black' body, and 'desired' 'dirty brown-skinned' females such as Arabic females, Indian, darker-skinned Hispanic females, Ethiopian females, etc. -- which was simply a reflection of my points of defining 'power' within a certain skin color, a certain culture, a specific body image, a specific sex, etc.

Points I Saw Within This:

I thought if I didn't have the 'energy' necessary to exist, I would not exist.
Belief that white women are 'more than' me, and thus, need 'energy' from them necessary to exist.
Belief that the prominent attraction to 'white women' is real.
Belief that the prominent attraction to 'dirty brown-skinned' females is real.
Belief that white women's skin is superior.
Belief that women with dirty-brown skin have more 'sexual energy' than other women which makes them 'more powerful' / 'attractive'.
Belief that the more 'cultural' a female is, the more 'sexual energy' they have than other women which makes them 'more powerful' / 'attractive'.
Belief that big asses are attractive.
Belief that big tits are attractive.
Desire to have sex with a female in order to feel 'equal' to them.
Belief that I need sexual energy to exist.
Belief that without sexual energy, I would not exist.
Belief that 'white' women have more 'status' within the world
Belief that black people are 'inferior' to the white race.
Belief that white people are 'superior' to the black race.
Identifying myself as 'special' because I perceived myself as an 'Arabic boy' in a past life.
Belief that power exists within thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, definitions / identifications about who I am / someone is as the 'personality'
Perceive myself as having 'lack of power' because of being born into a 'black' body
Defining 'power' within a certain skin color, a certain culture, a specific body image, a specific sex, etc.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I don't have the 'energy' from females necessary to exist, I will not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that white women are 'more than' me, and thus, I need 'energy' from them necessary to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the prominent attraction to 'white women' is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the prominent attraction to 'dirty brown-skinned' females is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that white women's skin is superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that women with dirty-brown skin have more 'sexual energy' than other women which makes them 'more powerful' / 'attractive'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more 'cultural' a female is, the more 'sexual energy' they have than other women which makes them 'more powerful' / 'attractive'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that culture exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that big asses are attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that big tits are attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have sex with a female in order to feel 'equal' to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need sexual energy to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without sexual energy, I will not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'white' women have more 'status' within the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that black people are 'inferior' to the white race.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that white people are 'superior' to the black race.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as 'special' because I perceived myself as an 'Arabic boy' in a past life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe being 'special' is 'real' -- as I identify as the 'ego' -- which is 'not real'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that power exists within thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, definitions / identifications about who I am / someone is as the 'personality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as having 'lack of power' because of being born into a 'black' body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'power' within a certain skin color, a certain culture, a specific body image, a specific sex, etc.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am power.

I am life.

I am here.

I am one and equal as all.

I am the breath.

I am life.

I am living.

I am existence.

I am self-directive.

I am self-responsible.

I am self-trust.

'Til here no further: I am not my mind.

'Til here no further: I am not my thoughts.

'Til here no further: I am not my feelings.

'Til here no further: I am not my emotions.

'Til here no further: I am not my memories.

'Til here no further: I am not my perceptions.

'Til here no further: I am not my beliefs.

'Til here no further: I am not my ideas.

'Til here no further: I am not my culture.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my culture.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my likes.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my dislikes.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my ego.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my personality.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my skin color.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my name.

'Til here no further: I am not defined by my status within the world.

Links:

1) One Night Stand Sex and Super System Upgrades P1
2) One Night Stand Sex and Super System Upgrades P2
3) One Night Stand Sex and Super System Upgrades P3
4) One Night Stand Sex and Super System Upgrades P4
5) One Night Stand Sex and Super System Upgrades P5
6) One Night Stand Sex and Super System Upgrades P6

Common Sense Re-Interpretation of Quotes

2011-07-19T15:45:00.001-05:00

Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Honor your 'genetic program' that exists, manifests and consists of the aggregate of abuse from your parents and forefathers that is still reflected in the world today so that you may live long in the land of the MIND which is your God.

Quran 4.14.

But those who disobey Allah and His Messenger and transgress His limits will be admitted to a Fire, to abide therein: And they shall have a humiliating punishment.

But those who disregard equality, his limits will be admitted to a Fire that was self-created -- to abide therein: And they shall have a humiliating punishment (which is the consequence brought through by/within time).

Exodus 20:3-17

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I can do all things through someone/something that exists as 'more than' me (or more powerful) who/which strengthens me. I am not able to do it by myself because I have no power. Therefore, I cannot take self-responsibility.

Deuteronomy 31:6

A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones.

A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

But 'life', which is the fruit of the Spirit, is 'equality' -- which manifests an unwavering foundation of love, joy, and peace. When there is something that does not 'agree' with 'equality as all life', it is of the MIND as self-interest which has no integrity.

Quran 5.74.

Why turn they not to Allah, and seek His forgiveness? For Allah is Oft- forgiving, Most Merciful.

Why not self-forgive? When you apply self-forgiveness for what you accept and allow to exist within/as who you are, you are taking self-responsibility.

Galatians 5:22-23

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world but is self-dishonest? Or what can a man give in exchange for his integrity to/as Self (as Self-Trust)?

1 Chronicles 4:9-10

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Without self-trust, it is impossible to self-direct because anyone who is self-honest must have self-trust in order to take self-responsibility for his own shit.

Bhagavad Gita

Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.

Quran 2.161.

Those who reject Faith, and die rejecting,- on them is Allah's curse, and the curse of angels, and of all mankind;

Those who reject self-trust, and die rejecting it, on them they curse themsleves, and curse mankind equally.

If Desteni Didn't Exist...

2011-06-28T07:15:00.000-05:00

If Desteni didn't exist, my primary focus would be on the study of possible alien existence based on the experiences of others. I studied a many different types of alien species that were in the category of being 'more evolved' than the human race.

Some of the alien species that I studied were the:

-) Arcturians
-) Biaviians
-) The Lacerta Files
-) Pleiadians
-) Starship Capricorn
-) Thiaooubans

I found out through Desteni, though, that I was bullshitting myself because Desteni made 'sense' BECAUSE everything that is stated within Desteni comes from a practical, self-honest perspective in relation to what is 'here', and what we as humanity has accepted and allowed to exist within this world. This simplistic concept out of all of my studies was never written about, which is the concept of taking self-responsibility to sort out our own dishonesties that created, and creates, the infrastructure of how we exist within the world. Why could I never 'see' that? It was because I was dishonest myself in everything that I did, and that all of my studies were also dishonest.

I was simply creating myself based on my own beliefs, and manifesting those beliefs within reality, thus, restructuring reality in concordance to my beliefs rather than within/as practical self-honest application that has NOTHING to do with my beliefs. I could have never seen this point of self-honesty; I could never see self-honesty period as long as I am self-dishonest because within the participation of beliefs, concepts, ideas, etc. I remain self-dishonest -- even if I am not aware of it.

What Do I Mean By Self-Dishonesty?

Self-dishonesty the point of not allowing myself to take self-responsibility in everything that I participate in. If I have points that I am not 'directing' and 'sorting out' as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become -- that I know is not 'in-line' with who I am, then I am self-dishonest. For example, one of my primary self-dishonest points is not taking self-responsibility to direct situations, but instead, allow the situation to direct me. I have a family member that I have officially known that was part of my family when I was 28 years of age. My self-dishonest point is not taking self-responsibility to expose the relationship. There's nothing 'wrong' with the relationship per-se, but when there are points of brotherhood, sisterhood, get-togethers, etc. that promote the integrity of the relationship without actually looking at how the relationship is structured through/within/as the mind, then that is self-dishonesty.

If I am not exposing points because I want to keep something 'beautiful' going, then I am self-dishonest. "Oh well he's my brother...." "Oh well she's my sister...." "Oh well he's my boyfriend..." "Oh well she's my girlfriend..." "Oh he's my friend though...", and this is what I was doing within a familial structure, and even friendships. I kept the bullshit going, because I never stood... I was never self-honest. So my self-standing within/as myself is to take self-responsibility in every moment to stop my bullshit -- with/to my family, to my friends, and to everyone else that I face.

Link:

In Self-Honesty: Communication Implies Directive

Experiencing Downtown Houston

2011-06-21T07:09:00.001-05:00

After me and 'J' left from the Desteni America meeting, we decided to go to downtown Houston. My goal was to go back to Dallas in four and a half hours. It was already approximately 8:00 PM in the evening time. Our expected arrival time to Dallas was at 1-2:00 AM. Instead, 'J' suggested that we stay in Houston. I didn't want to because the primary point that came up was, "What if...", "What if...", "What if...". So within that, I didn't allow myself to look at the point and consider it. I was actually conforming to my 'linearity' that I 'hold' onto -- not allowing myself to relinquish my subtle fears and anxieties about staying in Houston. The reason that I held onto the subtle fears and anxieties is because I didn't know anyone from that part of Houston. I structured my whole integrity around family, money, my apartment, my belongings, etc. Thus, without any of that, I perceived that there was nothing to 'hold' onto.

So that night, we got a hotel, and left in the afternoon the following day to go back to Dallas. I could say that I am 'happy' that I stayed in Houston because I faced that point of wanting to 'hold' on to my possessions, and my memories associated with Dallas.

Points I Saw Within This:

Fear of Death of the Identity of Me because of my familial structure
Fear of Death of the Identity of Me because of my financial position
Fear of Death of the Identity of Me because of where I stay
Fear of Death of the Identity of Me because of my belongings / possessions
Fear of the 'Unknown'

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' the death of the identity of me because of my familial structure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me based on my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' the death of the identity of me because of my 'financial position'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me based on how much money I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' the death of the identity of me because of where I 'stay'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me based on where I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' the death of the identity of me because of my belongings / possessions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' the Unknown.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am not defined by my family.

I am not defined by my financial position.

I am not defined by where I stay.

I am not defined by my belongings / possessions.

I am not defined by 'who I am', thus, I do not 'fear' the unknown.

I am not defined by 'time', thus, I do not 'fear' the unknown.

Self-Corrective Application:

Go to places that I am not familiar with and 'embrace' the moment rather than 'fearing' the moment because of my identifications within my mind of who I am in relation to my memories.

My Experience at the Desteni America Meeting

2011-06-21T07:08:00.000-05:00

My experience at the Desteni America meeting was not what I expected. I expected everyone to be serious, but in fact, virtually everyone was essentially playful, but scrupulous. The transportation there took approximately four and a half hours wherein I utilized the time to listen to Bernard Poolman videos that were relatively long in duration -- which helped with the span of time that it took to travel to the specific destination. During my stay there I was quite calm externally, but was experiencing a slight inner point of needing to be 'serious' because of the condition of the world (as seriously fucked-up) and also because I judged everyone else as being 'serious'. Thus, the 'seriousness' was the primary 'movement' within me, and is relatively a perpetual movement within me at a 'resonant level'. Although, the 'movement' wasn't extensive, but it was present nevertheless. So within these moments, I allowed myself to 'breathe' and remain here 'stable' and 'sound' as to not 'move' within an 'energetic point' of 'instability' -- because I know that the 'energetic movement' is essentially not real. Only I am experiencing it because I allow myself to experience it because of the condition of the world, and because of my own self-judgment projected onto others. Thus, I did some self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to be a 'certain way' in order to 'fit in' with the other 'Destonians'. It was great to see all of the 'Destonians' coming together. There wasn't a 'need' to effectuate an 'energetic point' to get some entertainment (energy-containment) going. The communication with others was 'here' one and equal.

Links:

The Deception of Infinity of Divinity

Zero Point Enlightenment and a Higher Path P1

Zero Point Enlightenment and a Higher Path P2

The Evolution of Reincarnation P1

The Evolution of Reincarnation P2

The Evolution of Reincarnation P3

Satanist on the Road

2011-06-19T08:10:00.000-05:00

The diversity of religion, culture, personality, etc. is prominent within this reality. It is the point wherein we, as humanity, support the 'reverse entity' to exist: which the 'reverse entity' is the 'reflection' of ourselves that we 'disagree' with because we are only able to see our own 'agreement' to what we have created within our minds, but the 'creation' thereof looks 'different' which means that the 'creation' that exists within the 'physical reality' is 'really' what that specific thought construct that is formed as an opinion, an idea, a perception, a belief, etc. actually exist as. All-in-all, I can say just by 'seeing' the world that exists today, I can say that the physical constructed point that exists equals to 'separation' which is the 'general cause' of what we see within the world today.

This point originated from a point yesterday wherein I saw a 'Satanist' for the first time in the physical reality. Satanism would be the point manifested from its 'reflection' which is 'morality' and 'ethics'. Morality is the concern with 'good conduct' within the system: practicing the 'values' of what is means to be 'right'. Ethics are the principles of right and wrong that are accepted by an individual or a social group, or in other words, a system of principles governing morality and acceptable conduct. Morality and Ethics is what supports the 'law' to exist, which requires one to 'stand right' before the system. The 'law' within the system would be equivalent to the 'Lord' in religion: wherein 'righteousness' is the principle of 'standing right' before God who is the 'governor' of the universe.

Satanism, in general, rejects the idea of 'good' and 'evil' as 'universal absolutes'. This would be the 'opposite' of 'morality'. Why then if 'morality' supports the 'betterment' of man, does an 'opposite polarity' exist? It is because man is trying to 'better' themselves 'externally' rather than accepting all points of Self 'internally' and working with those points -- taking self-responsibility to 'change' the 'internal nature'. Man's 'internal nature' WAS 'inherently good' until man judged his own self and called himself 'bad'. This is how 'sin' originated -- through ones own self-judgments creating the point of 'sin' which has been passed down from generation to generation. Man has 'abdicated' 'half' of himself. Man has 'abdicated' the 'dark side' for the 'light' -- which both are just 'fabrications' because the 'dark side' of man and the 'righteous side' of man really doesn't exist, but exists because of one's own judgments about themselves. So we now see the 'condition' of the world as 'separation' and 'abuse' because we have abused our own selves -- creating religions, cultures, concepts, beliefs, ideas, opinions, and perceptions based on 'polarity'.

Links:

1) Exposing Diversity

2) Universe and Diversity

3) Seeing and Speaking as 'One': Remaining 'Individual' in Equality

4) Polarity: Good and Evil

5) Polarity: Good and Evil P2

6) Polarity: Good and Evil P3

7) Polarity: Good and Evil Conclusion

Attraction to Attractive Females

2011-06-06T23:27:00.000-05:00

I have been attracted to females that have an attractive appearance, according to my mind's perspective of what I 'perceive' as 'attractive', since childhood. I remember the first females that I was attracted to which were two of my elementary schoolmates. I used to create stories about them in my mind about me receiving 'life energy' from them to keep me 'alive' and 'healthy' because I seen their 'beauty as 'more than' me.

I always desired a girlfriend, and could never acquire one. I never understood how men that appear to be 'less attractive' than me and/or have 'less money' could attain a female for a relationship. So within that, I attempted to 'make' myself 'qualifiable' for a female by becoming a 'perfectionist'. So since I could never acquire a female, I studied the anatomy and psychology of a female intricately in order to attempt to eliminate my 'feelings' that I had about them, because then, I thought that seeing the 'truth' of how we exist, from a technical perspective, would 'remove' that point, but it didn't.

Another reason for studying the anatomy and psychology of a female is because I deemed females to be 'more evolved' than me based on their perceived 'mesmerizing' physical anatomy. So, a 'beautiful' female being interested in me would be a point of me being 'knowledgeable enough' and 'evolved enough' to have a 'relationship' with them.

The reason why I perceived myself as 'less than' a female is primarily based on how I connected women with 'angel potteries'. My grandmother used to have a lot of angel potteries in her house that, to me, represented 'God', 'heaven', 'evolution', 'power', 'salvation', self-realization, etc. So every time I see a female (especially a Caucasian female) I would associate their pictured-presentation with an 'angel pottery' and perceive them as 'highly-evolved', powerful, and self-realized. The reason Caucasian females are so prominent is because most of the angel potteries that I saw resembled Caucasian females.

Desire Points:

Desire to the pictured-presentation of an attractive female
Desire to be 'equal' to the body and mind of attractive females
Desire to be 'highly-evolved', powerful, and self-realized
Desire to be 'more than' females because I feel 'less than' them
Desire to have an attractive girlfriend
Desire for sex with an attractive female
Desire to 'win' an attractive female over (in order to 'feel accepted')
Desire to gain something that is perceived 'more than' me in order to 'complete' me
Desire to be 'more' than who I am 'presently' by becoming a 'perfectionist'
Desire to be / acquire / attain / be 'equal' to 'God, 'heaven', evolution, and 'power'
Desire to survive as the ego and participate in 'feelings' and 'emotions'

Aversion Points:

Aversion to the pictured-presentation of an 'unattractive' female
Aversion to be 'equal' to the body and mind of attractive females
Aversion to be 'less than', powerless, and 'blind' to the 'truth'
Aversion to getting 'lack of attention' from females
Aversion to have an 'unattractive' girlfriend
Aversion for sex with an 'unattractive' female
Aversion for not feeling 'accepted'
Aversion for being 'accepted' by 'unattractive' females
Aversion to 'lose' something that I have which I have perceived as 'more than' me
Aversion to perceived 'imperfection'
Aversion to not being able to acquire / attain / be 'equal' to 'God, 'heaven', evolution, and 'power'

Points I See Within This:

Perceived separation from an 'attractive female'
Identification with the body of an 'attractive female'
Fearing the 'death' of the ego pertaining to 'desire' and desiring females
Not taking self-responsibility through self-forgiveness of the belief that I am 'separate' from another individual, thus, have to 'desire' them as per having a 'wish' to be 'one' with them by establishing a relationship with them or through sexual endeavors
Not directing Self in self-honesty, thus, 'falling' into 'desire' which is a point of 'separation' from perceiving a being 'separate' from me forming the 'energetic construct' of 'desire'
Not having self-trust by being self-honest, and taking self-responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within/as my reality
Belief that a female is attractive according to their 'facial features' in relationship to their personality and/or their anatomy of the physical body
Belief that 'attractive' females possess more 'life energy' than 'unattractive' females, so within that, desire attractive females in order to 'gain' more 'life energy' to become 'more than' who I am now physically and intellectually
Competition with men that appear to be 'less attractive' and/or have 'less money' than me towards the acquisition of an 'attractive' female
Perceiving men that appear to be 'less attractive' and/or have 'less money' than me as 'less than'
Belief that a physical body can be 'mesmerizing'
Belief that a female can be 'beautiful'
Perceiving knowledge and information as 'more than' me
Belief that angels are 'more than' me based on the belief that angels exist
Belief that angels are 'more than' me because I have not taken self-responsibility in stopping my mind through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application
Perceived 'separate' from 'memories', thus, 'trusting' my memories as the 'integrity' of who I am and how I exist
Belief in God, heaven, evolution, and power

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the pictured-presentation of an attractive female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be 'equal' to the body and mind of 'attractive' females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be 'highly-evolved', powerful, and self-realized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be 'more than' females because I feel 'less than' them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have an attractive girlfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire sex with an attractive female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'win' an attractive female over -- in order to 'feel accepted'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to gain something that is perceived 'more than' me in order to 'complete' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be 'more than' who I am 'presently' by becoming a 'perfectionist'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be / acquire / attain / be 'equal' to 'God, 'heaven', evolution, and 'power'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to survive as the ego and participate in 'feelings' and 'emotions'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to the pictured-presentation of an unattractive female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to be 'equal' to the body and mind of attractive females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to be 'less than', powerless, and 'blind' to the 'truth'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to getting 'lack of attention' from females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to have an 'unattractive' girlfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for sex with an 'unattractive' female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for not feeling 'accepted'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for being 'accepted' by 'unattractive' females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to 'lose' something that I have which I have perceived as 'more than' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to perceived 'imperfection'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to not being able to acquire / attain / be 'equal' to 'God, 'heaven', evolution, and 'power' (which I see myself as 'less than' if I am not able to).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from an 'attractive female'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify the body of a female as 'attractive'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the 'death' of my 'ego' pertaining to 'desire' and desiring females.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility through self-forgiveness of the belief that I am 'separate' from another individual, thus, have to 'desire' them as per having a 'wish' to be 'one' with them by establishing a relationship with them or through sexual endeavors.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself in self-honesty, thus, 'falling' into 'desire' which is a point of 'separation' from perceiving and believing a being to be 'separate' from me forming the 'energetic construct' of 'desire'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have self-trust by being self-honest, and taking self-responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within/as my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a female is attractive according to their 'facial features' in relationship to their personality and/or their anatomy of their physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'attractive' females possess more 'life energy' than 'unattractive' females, so within that, desire attractive females in order to 'gain' more 'life energy' to become 'more than' who I am now physically and intellectually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'compete' with men that appear to be 'less attractive' and/or have 'less money' than me towards the acquisition of an 'attractive' female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive men that appear to be 'less attractive' and/or have 'less money' than me as 'less than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a physical body can be 'mesmerizing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a female can be 'beautiful'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive 'knowledge and information' as 'more than' me,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that angels are 'more than' me based on the belief that angels exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that angels are 'more than' me because I have not taken self-responsibility in stopping my mind through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from 'memories', thus, 'trusting' my memories as the 'integrity' of who I am and how I exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in God, heaven, evolution, and power (separate from me).

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am 'equal and one' as the 'life force' within/as a female physical body.

I do not 'desire' unless I perceive myself 'separate' from the person that I am 'desiring'.

Desire is a fabrication of the mind to keep me believing that there is something 'more than' within a person that I am able to attain through sex. I do not accept or allow myself to participate in fabrications of the mind because they are not 'real' anyway.

Anything that is perceived 'separate' from me is not real because I am equal and one as all of existence.

Self-Corrective Application:

When I see myself to go into a patter of 'desire', I stop and breathe.

To 'push' self to the point where the 'actual self' is birthed through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

Links:

1) Blonde Hair

2) Self-Forgiveness: Desire

3) Desire is Who I Am

Self-Forgiveness vs. Mother God Disintegrate

2011-06-05T06:41:00.000-05:00

During the times of my 'search for self-realization', I found a spiritual philosophy that relates to Gnosticism and 'inner alchemy' that is used in Taoist practice. The primary key was to remove all egos of Self by saying the phrase 'Mother God disintegrate'. Self, in this philosophy, would be composed of many egos: one ego for one personality point that Self defines Self as -- thus becoming and fueling that 'ego' through relationships as one depends on that 'ego' to define the 'integrity' of how they exist. For example, one becomes angry at a person because that person did not buy them anything for their birthday this year. Thus, to rewind a little bit, that person is already 'acting out a 'personality point' (ego) from a previous experience of needing to 'feel special' on their birthday. Now the anger that the person is 'expressing emotionally' is the 'polarity' of needing to feel 'special' which is 'not feeling special' because the person didn't give them anything for their birthday this year.

Thus, now a memory "photo-shot" is created within their mind on the particular experience of being 'angry' towards the person that didn't give them anything for their birthday, and thus, all 'future experiences' that relates to the particular memory is seen from the mind's perspective which is where judgment originates. For example, the person may see another person that resembles the person that didn't give them anything for their birthday and subtly react with anger to them based on the 'memory photo-shot' that was placed within their mind from the initial experience. As more and more 'egos' are 'stacked up', the Self, as who we really are, is compounded more and more as the mind 'takes over' more and more as one lives the 'integrity' of who they are as the 'mind' based on 'personality', relationships, and memories -- which are the tools that support the 'ego' to flourish.

So to say 'Mother God disintegrate', or "Dear Mother, please, take away from me this defect, disintegrate it!", would 'release' self from the binds of the 'egos' one by one. The question is why Mother God and not Father God? The Mother God aspect from my research would represent 'power' and the Father God would represent the stability of/as Self.

The other practice of 'releasing' the egos would be 'inner alchemy' which is performed through sexual intercourse which involves breathing techniques during sexual intercourse which, in turn, suppose to activate each 'chakra' toward becoming a 'Bodhisattva' which is Sanskrit for 'enlightened being' -- through the 'rising' of 'kundalini' energy through each chakra to the crown chakra. After becoming a Bodhisattva, one becomes inter-dimensional through the birthing of each Self within each dimensional plane. There is supposedly a 'Self' for each 'dimensional plane' in existence. This would be when all 'egos' are eliminated.

When saying Mother God disintegrate, I realize that it was more of a mechanical process for me because, for one, I was asking another being to take responsibility for myself -- which is, in-fact, self-dishonesty -- instead of taking self-responsibility for my own self by releasing myself from my own fuck-ups through self-forgiveness. How can I be released from something that I have not taken responsibility for? The first step of taking self-responsibility is through self-forgiveness by 'affirming' that I am 'releasing myself' from this point that I have not taken self-responsibility of, and then will take self-responsibility to 'correct' myself accordingly. Every reaction to something; every thing that I associate with -- that I use to support my 'ego' within the form of thoughts, feelings and emotions through relationships and memories is me not taking self-responsibility for myself because I accept and allow myself to perceive myself as 'less than' that which I use to support me as the 'ego' to remain in the 'past'. And the reason that I'm not taking self-responsibility is because I am not 'moving' myself 'here' (forward) because I am willing to remain in the past using my own 'ego' as the 'tool' to construct the moment 'here' -- which is self-deception, because in actuality, the past doesn't exist but only within my own mind as the memories of that which drives 'me' to remain within them -- reliving the same experiences over and over again.

Through self-forgiveness, I begin to 'untangle' these 'relived' experiences and begin to 'live life' as each moment becomes a 'brand new' moment.

Links:

1) Trapped Time

2) Memory and It's Function Within the Mind to Recycle Relationship

3) Names as Memes

4) Emotions and Feelings in Self-Realization

5) The Past & Self-Forgiveness: Removing Microchips of Control

6) Why Do Self-Forgiveness? Are We Automatically Saved by Jesus?

Seeing Myself as Less Than

2011-06-02T21:34:00.000-05:00

Today I was with "J" at a Yogurt place. A point came up wherein I was thinking how I 'felt equal' being with "J" because she is 'Asian'. I am a 'black' man that judges myself as 'less than' based on the 3D pictured-presentation of people (especially white women) because of the structure of their physical bodies as being 'more than' -- because I could never acquire a female in the past to 'date' me / have a relationship with me. So I judged my 'personality' compared to the personality of others -- wherein I continuously define / identify myself as the 'ego' because of the continuous existence of this same point that I use to form a 'time-loop' with.

The question is, why do I allow this to continue? It is because I allow myself to continue as a mind-consciousness system -- chasing after parts of my memories that I do not want to let go, so within that, I re-enact those memories within the 'here' moment remaining self-dishonest in my every word to 'stand' and not accept and allow myself to become 'less than' -- which is exactly what I am accepting and allowing.

Points I Saw Within This:

Judging 'pictures' as 'more than' me.
Belief that because 'black people' were treated in the past as slaves, 'white people' are 'more than', and 'black people' are 'less than'.
Belief that when I am rejected by 'white women', I am 'less than'.
I made up for the 'loss' of having potential relationships through creating a 'white' imaginary girlfriend.
Self-Manipulation by creating an imaginary 'white female' in my mind to make myself 'more than' because I feel 'less than' 'white' women.
Belief that I am 'dumb' towards 'white' women because I am black.
Belief that tall men cannot date women.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'judge' pictures as 'more than' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because 'black people' were treated in the past as slaves, 'white people' are 'more than', and 'black people' are 'less than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am rejected by 'white women', I am 'less than'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a 'white imaginary girlfriend' to make up for the 'loss' of having potential relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by creating an imaginary 'white female' in my mind to make myself 'more than' because I feel 'less than' 'white' women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'dumb' towards 'white' women because I am black.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tall men cannot date women.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I do not accept or allow myself to limit myself to a picture by creating a personality that is dependent on a picture to establish its 'integrity'.

When I see myself going into a pattern of belief, I stop; I breathe.

Self-Corrective Application:

I will stop and breathe through before I even get into a pattern of self-judgment by judging 'white women' as 'more than' me.

Music Points

2011-05-24T20:41:00.000-05:00

I like to listen to game theme music.

Points I Saw Within This:

Comfortability
Being a Child Again; Having Fun = Freedom; Don't Have to Worry About Chasing Money for a Living
Having 'Fun' Playing the Game with my Step-Father
Felt like 'Family' when Playing the Game With my Step-Dad; Definition of 'Family' = Holding on to Relationship-Ties as Memories, Pictures, Thoughts, Feelings, Emotions, etc.; Security
Don't want to 'Lose' my Family, so I 'Had Fun' to Keep the Memories 'In-Tact'
Fear of 'Losing' My Family
Fear of the 'Death' of the Ego as the 'Mind'.
Super Mario Bros Theme Music Reminds Me of the 'Family Memories' that I Had with My Step Dad and my Brothers when I was Playing Super Mario Bros Them
Can 'Hold' on to my Personality
Blackwater Power; A Collective of Personality Designs that Came from the Idea of Superman in which I have Created the Energetic Integrity / Structure of an 'Imaginary World' where I can Mind-Fuck myself.
Escape from Reality; Escape from the Pain, Sorrow, Enslavement of the World as it is Structured
The 'Freedom' to 'Project' a Virtual Reality onto a Physical Reality and call it 'Real'
Fear of 'Seeing' what is Real as what has been Accepted and Allowed to Exist as who we Are as the Mind.
Fear of Accepting Myself as Who I am as a Mind-Consciousness System
Mega Man Theme Music Reminds Me of Blackwater Power. The Mega Man Video Games Have Different Types of Characters that Represents / Reminds Me of my Imaginary Friends. Each Character Has a Different Characteristic for Example: Hard Man, Ice Man, Top Man, Proto Man, Aqua Man, Gemini Man, Snake Man, Magnet Man

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from my 'childhood' -- instead of realizing that I am the 'breath' as who I am that walks with/within/as my 'physical body' as the different expressions that my physical body has attributed unto itself. I am equal and one as the body as the breath, and as the 'mind'. The mind is not 'separate' from who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have defined 'fun' as the 'fear of loss', and within 'having fun' by 'playing the game' with my step-dad, I 'declare' myself as a 'victim' of my 'ego' -- which is the point that I 'fear' as I 'shield' it with 'entertainment' to 'contain' my self-expression with self-abjection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from family, thus, defining who I am based on the foundation of what a 'family' means from the mind's perspective, as I identify with the ego and abdicate who I am as one and equal to/as all that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is 'possible' for me to 'lose' something/someone instead of realizing that the 'mind' can only 'lose' something/someone -- because the 'mind' has perceived that very thing as 'separate' from Self -- thus having to create a 'relationship' with it in order to 'establish' itself as an 'equal' to it which is self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the 'security' that I perceive myself with my family is the 'declaration' that I have become 'possessed' by the 'mind' as 'needing' a 'family' to define the 'integrity' of my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' the death of me as the 'ego', and so within that, I create relationships and personalities that I 'cling' to and define me as -- in order to 'hide' my 'fear' of 'death' of the 'ego' as me -- which is the fabricated integrity of the 'lie' that I have built myself to be through other 'minds' that have built themselves up based on the same fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'Super Mario Bros' with my past as I identify with the ego -- which is the 'personality' that I 'hold on to' that I think is 'real', and 'support' an 'illusion' through the 'music' of Super Mario Bros.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'Superman' with my past as I identify with the ego -- which is the 'personality' that I 'hold on to' that I think is 'real', and 'support' an 'illusion' through the 'image' of Superman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a 'reality' of that which is based on 'perception' -- as I 'perceive' what I 'perceive' within this reality and formulate an 'imaginary world' where I go to -- to feel 'secure', and project that 'reality' onto the PHYSICAL and call it 'real' -- as I 'abdicate' 'reality' for 'fantasy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'perceive' an 'idea' as who I am, as I identify as the 'ego' 'trapped' in an 'idea' that I use to define the integrity of my existence, and the integrity of who I am as the MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create 'alien entities' such as 'Atyrahnormanczek' that I use to escape from my reality so I won't have to face it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create 'alien entities' such as 'Atyrahnormanczek' that I use to escape from my reality because I don't want to face it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting myself as who I am -- because I identify with the 'ego' as the MIND where I desire to be: within my own 'virtual reality' that I have created and have 'pushed' myself to believe in in order to remain 'aloof' from what is 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the integrity of my existence based on 'family' -- to 'move' within the construct and programming of 'family' -- as I identify as the 'ego perceived 'separate' from the 'personalities' thereof that contributes the 'family' and the 'programming' thereof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'Mega Man' with my past as I identify with the ego -- which is the 'personality' that I 'hold on to' that I think is 'real', and 'support' an 'illusion' through the 'music' of Mega Man.

Self-Corrective Statement:

I realize that I am one and equal with/as my memories as what I have constructed myself to be as the 'mind', but within that point, do not accept or allow myself to identify as the 'ego' -- as the 'mind' -- because I have 'built' myself to be a 'fabric' of an illusion of which I use to 'create' the 'integrity' of my existence as an 'organic robot'.

I am unable to be 'separate' from my memories as a child, because I am those memories -- as a 'constructed illusion', and so within that, I do not accept or allow myself to be 'driven' and 'defined' by 'symbols' -- as I align myself as a constructed 'pattern' of 'symbols' of which I 'live' and embrace as an 'organic robot'.

I realize that music is one and equal as me and that I perceive music 'separate' from me within/as my own mind of thoughts, feelings, and emotions -- which are not 'real'.

Self-Corrective Application:

To change my music into something more effective such as Desteni audio or music that does not have a 'resonant impression' such as Jazz music.

To 'push' self to the point where the 'actual self' is birthed through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

Hitler and Jesus are ONE

2011-05-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

Quote "Adolph Hiter" :

I have not come into this world to make men better, but to make use of their weaknesses.

Quote "Jesus" :

Do not think that I came to bring peace on Earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. (Matthew 10:34-36 NASB)

Conclusion:

1) Those who have strong resentment for Hitler have strong resentment for Jesus.

2) Those who "love" Jesus, "love" Hitler.

3) Those who have strong resentment for Hitler, but "love" Jesus do not live the message of Jesus.

Self-Dishonest Point of Going to Church

2011-05-03T20:27:00.000-05:00

I went to church on Sunday, May 1st 2011. My pseudo-mother called me: which is a friend-of-mine's mother which I have been knowing for approximately 7 years: from the date and month of May 2011. I was in the bed that morning when she called me. In my mind I was like, "What does she want now?" Within that statement, I realize that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest in her presence, but instead, utilized 'kindness' to 'feed' her every 'financial' need.

She asked me to take her to church for a pastor-and-wife anniversary. From my perspective, I wanted to go, but for the most part, I didn't want to go. I simply wanted to go to see the pastor: because I used to be a member of the church. Thus, seeing the pastor would 're-member' my memories that I have about him. For the most part though, I didn't want to go because in order to be acquainted with him again would entail that I sit in the church service and hear the sermon and be 'one with' the congregation as they 'enjoy' the 'presence of the Lord'.

I didn't want to go through the whole rigmarole because I had other stuff that I wanted to do that day which was to 'blog' about certain points that I was going to blog about. Sitting in the church would entail approximately three to five ours wasted on bullshit.

I sat through, virtually, the whole church service. There was this girl that I saw in the church service. The girl was attractive, and I knew that she had a 'resonant attraction' to me also. I never saw her before in the past when I was an active member of the church. After church service, she said, "Hi.", and waved at me with enthusiasm. I said, "Hi." also, but was nervous, thus, I did not 'look' into her eyes because of 'fear'.

I kept observing her when me and my 'pseudo-mother' was about to leave. Points came up within me of 'sex' because of her attractive body. Later on, me and "J" talked about being attracted the body and how 'separation' is formed through thoughts, feelings and emotions which are 'generated' by the mind because of the 'shape' of the body and the 'assets' thereof.

Points I Saw Within This:

Identification of me being 'separate' from the body.
Identification of me being 'separate' from the female.
Identification of me being 'less than' the 'physical body'.
Identification of me seeing the body as 'more than' me.
Identification with the construct of 'beauty' / 'ugly' polarity and believing that 'beauty' and 'ugly' exists.
Identification with the 'breath' being 'separate' from the body.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the female as I identify as the 'ego' -- needing a female to fulfill me in order to be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from 'happiness' as I identify as the 'ego' -- needing to be 'fulfilled' by happiness: so I go out and 'look' for happiness perceived 'separate' from me in order to 'gain' that which I believe I don't have -- to become the 'ego's definition' of 'more than' the 'integrity' of who I am presently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'less than' that which I am 'seeking' in order to become the 'perception' of 'more than' the 'integrity' of who I am presently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'less than' the 'physical body', and so within that, seek another physical body that I perceive as 'more than' in order to 'feel complete'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive the body as 'more than' me, instead of realizing that I am the 'breath' equal and one within/as the physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'beauty' and 'ugly' exists as I identify as the ego -- judging others within the construct of 'beauty' and 'ugly' because I have 'judged' myself by comparing my physical body with the physical body of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself 'separate' from the body instead of realizing that I am the 'breath' equal and one within/as the physical body.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am the 'breath' equal and one within/as the physical body, therefore, I am neither 'less than' or 'more than' another 'physical body'.

Defining myself as 'less than' another physical body is self-abuse; Defining myself as 'more than' another physical body is self-abuse.

Self-Corrective Application:

When I see myself go into a pattern of judging another as 'beautiful' / 'ugly', I stop myself, look at the 'motivating point' of what causes me to go into a point of judgment and apply self-forgiveness respectively.

The End of the Agreement With J

2011-04-22T18:43:00.000-05:00

I decided to be in an agreement with J. An agreement is a 'relationship' that stands for 'equality' by stopping the mind (as thoughts, feelings and emotions) through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

To break it down more of what an 'agreement' is, it is an 'actual' relationship' wherein the parties participate with/as each other in stopping desires, emotions and feelings that create the definition of 'love' etc. because they are essentially NOT REAL. It is a relationship wherein the parties live the 'actuality' of what is here through 'practical application' of stopping the MIND -- and then one sees the 'reality' of what one has accepted and allowed to exist as through 'energy' (e.g. thoughts, feelings and emotions). In order to have a 'normal' relationship, it has to be fed by the 'energy' called LOVE, feelings, emotions, etc. in order for the relationship to remain 'existent'. This is not the case within an 'agreement'. An agreement focuses on the relevancy of what is 'here' within/as our existence and to 'push' self to the point where the 'actual self' is birthed through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

The agreement was going well. We assisted each other -- utilizing blogs to assist us in points that were realized -- investigating the points through writing and applying self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing these points to 'influence' / 'define' our 'standing' with/as who we are equal and one to each other as the integrity of the agreement and equal and one to ourselves, but there was one primary point that 'shook' the integrity of the agreement which caused me to 'end' the agreement with J.

I ended the agreement with J because I had to 'violate' the agreement manifesto. In the agreement manifesto, it states: to assist one another to reach full potential as a couple working for the best of all and assisting in creating Heaven on Earth, but I couldn't honor that because I wanted to be involved in a network marketing business that violated what would be considered 'best for all', but instead, work on supporting myself in concordance with my financial status / situation in order to do what would be 'best for all' in the 'future'.

My goal is to build my income so I can have a 'stable foundation' of 'financial support' in order for that stable foundation to assist and support me in my process financially. The 'effect' from this would be that I wouldn't have to work a fixed-income job and be freely able to participate with Desteni more in concordance to the process of initiating the establishment of an 'equal money system'.

I attempted to do this before with two other network marketing systems. The first one 'fell severely' with their reputation and business operations / support in which I acquired a supportive upline who was a national sales director of that company. The second network marketing system, I am still involved with technically, but would be difficult for other prospects to start based on the hefty initial investment that is required.

Thus, another one of my uplines in the first business called me up and told me about this product which is a natural male erectile stimulant to enhance and support sexual response. This business would fit all of the key elements: a reasonable initial investment, a brand new business that virtually no one knows about, share prices at five cents a share, and a team that already knew me from a previous network marketing experience. Thus, I saw this as opportunity and became a business associate.

The male erectile stimulant, I wasn't interested in for myself. It is suppose to last three days and since it is a 'natural' product, one does not acquire side effects from it (with the exception of individuals that are allergic to shellfish) because of its natural ingredients that include fish substances. Thus, I already have a team that currently (as of April 22nd 2011) has the most people in my organization.

In order to qualify for the commissions from all of the downline, one has to have two personally-enrolled members of the team along with staying 'active' which would entail buying 50 PV of product every month. PV is personal volume -- which is the total volume of one's own product purchases for a given time period (usually a month). In most network marketing companies, distributors are required to meet a certain amount of PV per month to maintain their status as an independent distributor.

Thus with all of that stated above, it would be my 'closest' to acquiring commissions from a 'downline' team in a network marketing business structure.

So I started an agreement with "J" on Tuesday, April 12th 2011. The agreement went strong and lasted strong. One of the barricades is this business. The business, thereof, supports the mind from the perspective of sex. If you have read Desteni, Desteni entails that sex is a 'system' located within the pelvic region -- that charges the mind-consciousness system.

The integrity and 'makeup' of emotions and feelings are generated and compounded within what is known as the the 'solar plexus' and is used by the mind-consciousness system to ‘charge' and ‘power' itself with. The mind-consciousness system is, from a dimensional perspective, like a physiological system within/as the physical body: such as the circulatory system, the digestive system, the endocrine system, the immune system, the lymphatic system, the muscular system, the nervous system, the reproductive system, the respiratory system, the skeletal system, and the urinary system. The mind-consciousness system utilizes 'energy' to 'stay alive' -- through the participation in thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions, reactions, polarity, personality definitions, behaviors, beliefs, etc. as the 'pure life essence' of who we really are is utilized as the 'power generator' of the mind-consciousness system.

Within the pelvic region exists the manifested sex system. The sex system is connected to the emotional and feeling generator system in your solar plexus. The emotional and feeling 'energy' that already exists within each human being's solar plexus is connected to the sex system with a pipeline structure, so in actuality, emotional and feeling energy exists both within the solar plexus and the sex system within the pelvic region as the emotional and feeling energy is transferred from within the solar plexus to the sex system gradually.

So as you generate and compound emotional and feeling energy within you, through thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions, reactions, polarity, personality definitions, behaviors, beliefs, etc., the mind-consciousness system utilizes the ‘pure essence' of that energy to ‘charge' and ‘power' itself with which is obtained from within the solar plexus, and the extra 'waste' energy is then sent through the pipeline structure into the sex system, in the pelvic region, to be released out of the body through the act of sex. The ‘waste essence' of the energy contains all the systematic information of yourself and the moment you have sex with your partner, the systematic information of yourself is transferred into your partner and the same goes the other way around. The moment the transference takes place, the systematic information of yourself amalgamate with your partner's systems and intensifies their systems and even add additional/extra systems within your partner that existed within you but not yet within your partner.

The question is, what are these systems responsible for? Systems are thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviors, anything that confines, restricts, binds and controls us as who we are by self-defined personality.

Consciousness desires to be fed and supported and what other way than to create systems that people belong to as well as become. If for example you have a 'desire' then you belong to and eventually become that system -- obsessed and possessed by desire which in turn generates movement within you feeding your mind-consciousness system as who you have become. While you are creating the desires that feed that particular system, you more and more become the actual system and eventually most beings are not able to be anything other than that particular system. The becoming of a 'system' is when your presence and essence is self-defined within an emotion or feeling that is of consciousness systems.

The pure life essence is who we really are that powers the mind-consciousness system through the utilization of thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, etc. -- anything that the mind-consciousness system can utilize to create 'energy' for it to 'feed off' of in order to power itself. When systems compound within/as the mind, then the pure life essence of who we are gets compounded within the systems, thus we become 'fully amalgamated' within/as the mind, and thus, speak the 'language' of -- and become 'possessed' by the mind-consciousness system as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, etc. Thus, we become virtually 'dead' to ourselves because the 'mind' is what we have 'formed' ourselves to be through the participation in 'energy'. So the more people that are having sex, the more compounded the pure life essence of who we are becomes because the consciousness systems feed off of the 'energy' that is existent within the sexual act.

So with all of that said, being involved within this business, I would be the 'direct support' of feeding the mind-consciousness systems through this male erectile stimulant which would be similar to if I was working at a factory farm killing/abusing animals directly for necessary food consumption for the population.

Thus, to end end all participation in 'energy' through sex, the MIND has to stop. The mind-consciousness system is dependent on 'energy' through the performance of sex utilizing thoughts, feelings and emotions to 'energize' itself. Thus, would be the 'killing' of self as the 'Actual Self'. This would be the same as to end the abuse of animals within factory farms as mentioned above. The whole system has to be changed -- a system that will birth equality to all, and for a system to birth equality to all, the MIND has to stop.

The question is, how does the mind stop? It stops when self doesn't participate within/as the mind no longer. It stops when we self-forgive and self-direct self to realize who we really are and what we are accepting and allowing within every moment of breath. The mind stops when we no longer define who we are as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, etc. which we utilize to 'limit' ourselves as we continue create a 'virtual reality' and 'live' within that virtual reality believing this this virtual reality is the actual reality (actuality) that we walk within/as.

So being the 'direct support' of consciousness systems through this business, I still allowed myself to participate within it because of the financial opportunity. One of the financial opportunities is the ability to acquire shares that are worth five cents each in order to have the possibility to accumulate wealth in the future from these shares (when the share price increases). Another opportunity is the binary composition and the income structure thereof. The binary composition is simply a methodology utilized wherein financial revenue is acquired through a binary tree (similar to a family tree). When a person introduces the business to another person, and they decide to sign up, they are placed 'below' the person on either the 'right' side or the 'left' side: which is called a 'leg'. Two people are placed below the initial person and this progression continues as the team 'grows'. Thus, every member that is sponsored is placed 'under' all the other members in either 'leg' -- which also helps all of the team members that are placed on the 'leg' that is accumulating business if they are qualified to earn commissions.

So I wanted to participate in this opportunity despite it being a tool to assist the mind-consciousness system integration through sexual performance -- compounding the pure life essence of who we really are more into the system integration of consciousness because with the money, I am able to acquire the financial ability/leverage to pay off my financial debt effectively, plus, I am able to do what is necessary to be done towards the establishment of an equal-money system -- by giving all of my focus to Desteni in relation to SRA, DIP, blogging, vlogging etc. Presently, I am participating in blogging and vlogging, pushing through points of procrastination and resistances. With this income, I am able to have more 'flexibility' to do what is necessary to be done in/as my process and in/as my life from a financial perspective.

So the agreement ended with "J" because I had to 'violate' the agreement manifesto. I couldn't honor the agreement manifesto because I wanted to be involved in a network marketing business that violated what would be considered 'best for all', but instead, work on supporting myself in concordance with my financial status / situation in order to do what would be 'best for all' in the 'future'.

Not only because of this point, but because there was lack of 'face-to-face' communication. In order to have an effective agreement, 'face-to-face' communication is necessary. I tried to 'work' the 'distance' with her, but our communication was getting so 'involved' to the point that 'face-to-face' communication would be an 'efficient' 'communication methodology'. With 'face-to-face' communication, we are able to 'see' points within/as our 'physical expression' that we are accepting and allowing: such as resistances and reactions. Plus, we are able to utilize 'touch' as a means of pushing through physical resistances and have the ability to 'touch' each other as ourselves as a form of self-intimacy. This concludes the blog.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself initially instead of manipulating myself by remaining within/as the agreement by stopping the activities within my current reality in order to be in the agreement -- instead of realizing my responsibilities within/as my current reality as what is 'here' and 'moving' myself to get it done in order for me to be 'stable' in the 'future'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am responsible for the entirety of what exists 'here' within/as this reality as I am part, and as the 'collective beast' of 'humanity' that preys on 'energy' and 'polarity' to remain 'stable' -- which is 'separation'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'rejection' from "J" if I am self-honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the other party's response within/as an agreement / relationship no matter how 'stable' my point may be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'technicality' / 'mathematics' -- 'always win' within/as an 'agreement' / 'relationship' thus, whenever I utilize these points it wouldn't matter what I do because I did it in a 'mathematical' way that proved the point 'stable' -- instead of realizing that it is not about the 'technical' / 'mathematical' precision of points realized / acted-upon within/as a point, within an 'agreement' / 'relationship', but about 'communication' of/as every point that is conveyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'desire' to be in a 'relationship' / 'agreement' instead of realizing that there may be points behind the 'desire' that I have not investigated / transcended yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as 'separate' from J.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am actually able to be 'lonely' within/as this existence instead of realizing that only the MIND gets 'lonely'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for the ending of the agreement to be exposed in public.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'desire' to end the agreement in private believing that it is 'not necessary' to end it in 'public'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-dishonest by omitting details within points that are conveyed about heterogeneous topics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in self-interest rather than what is best for all in heterogeneous situations.

Self-Corrective Application:

DO NOT THINK about points that come up, but instead, act in the 'moment here' as self-honesty. Thinking assists and supports the MIND into analyzing a point rather than speaking the point within/as a self-honest perspective.

Being technical / mathematical within communication with another entity is not what the relationship is solely based on. Communication is the key -- assisting and supporting others to see from different perspectives which opens up new points and realizations.

Links:

1) Consciousness: The Enslavement of Man by Consciousness

2) Ending the Agreement with an Agreement to Honor the Agreement

3) Human Body Systems

4) Sex System (Pelvic Point)

5) Solar Plexus

Equal Money & Exploitation Chat

2011-04-22T14:40:00.001-05:00

Leon: Let's talk about equal-money and exploitation. Not only in India is this happening, but in other countries also. Exploitation is even in the United States because there wouldn't be a such thing as a high, middle, and low class. These things are fabricated and controlled by self-interest and greed.

J: Well, in the Philippines, the lack of money to survive on makes them vulnerable to be bribed into doing almost anything from voting a politician into office to shutting their mouths up

Leon: What kind of other things are they bribed into?

J: The rich, who are normally people in power, will just buy them, which means the poor people's decisions are based on how much money will be earned from whatever they do and say. Honesty is being compromised because of lack of money

J: They are forced to get whatever job is available and the most common thing that remains unnoticed is women wanting to marry rich men

J: "Relationships" are then ways of getting money to survive in dignity. In fact, the measure of one's status in society is the amount of money one has

Leon: It's like that in the U.S. too, but beautified to make it seem 'normal'. It's call working to put money in the wealthy man's pocket. It is done in a sophisticated matter. Here in the U.S. jobs are more difficult to acquire which means that the middle class is struggling to remain in their positions.

Leon: The capitalistic system in its entirety is a system of abuse.

J: That is unacceptable. But it is being accepted and okayed by the society.

Leon: Yes, as it is considered 'normal' and anything that goes 'against' that (such as an Equal Money System) is ludicrous because it is believed to be unachievable.

J: Yes, but what is shocking is that instead of us saying something against it, we are accepting and allowing it

Leon: Exactly. It is as though it is a form of brainwashing. And 'Common Sense' has been redefined to mean the 'common sense' of the system, instead of what is 'best for all'.

J: The reason why it is being accepted is the apathy, because apparently, they assume there is no way out of this condition.

J: Yes, explain the common sense of the system

Leon: Everything that justifies our enslavement to it.

Leon: Within the religious system, monetary system, educational system, government system, etc.

Leon: These systems give us a 'foundation' of believing that these systems are what creates the integrity of who we are in relation to them instead of realizing that we have accepted and allowed these very systems to exist and dictate who we are.

J: one of the reason why they are apathetic to change is that they have "God" to save them

J: they assume this is real, i did this before, where i use to pray to get the solutions i need rather than creating them in this reality by standing and self directing me here

Leon: Yes, God is justification where many can justify their enslavement because of God -- believing that God has everything under control. That is outrageous and is a very act of self-abuse.

J: Our empty stomach directs us to, in our sense of "hopelessness", give up and give our own power to a "higher power"

J: This is where equal money comes in as the solution

J: When everyone gets money every month to get the basic necessities to survive in dignity, that will make them realize that LIFE is worth living for and there is another way of living LIFE

Leon: We have abdicated ourselves to an outside source that is believed to be 'greater' than the current system that we have created. That is why so many do not want to hear. Equal-Money will wake up people's eyes and realize the bullshit that we have been carrying around in the form of a belief.

J: how do you see this in America?

Leon: I see it the same way in America.

J: True. I see it happen all over the world. Money is being used to generate the MIND. It is being used as a substitute for SELF-WILLED ACTION. We do not realize that in using money this way, we are in fact creating the very problems we "want" solved in this world. Then, the mind push us into polarity where because of fear of not having money we run to get money no matter what it takes. Honesty is being compromised, Self-responsibility is being defined as taking responsibility to get money even if that means being the wife of a rich corrupt government official or working in a company producing or selling anything supporting animal abuse, human abuse etc.

J: We have to rally behind a system that will stop this from happening not only at the moment but throughout eternity

J: I had enough. 'Till here no further!

J: I am assisting in creating heaven on earth and my life will be dedicated to that and nothing else. First, i got the EQUAL MONEY BADGE which is in my profile photo (Friday, April 22nd 2011 on Facebook). I also research the changes that will be implemented once this is in place. I blog about my process also which is about stopping the mind and organizing all parts of me here in this physical reality, from my work, my bills, my "relationship" as in being in an equality agreement etc. so that i stand as Self here and is self-directing my words and actions and in the process create a world where LIFE IS TRULY HONORED.

J: Checkout: http://equalmoney.org

Took Me a While to Start Doing Self-Forgiveness

2011-04-21T19:33:00.000-05:00

It took me a while to start doing self-forgiveness.

Points I Saw Within Doing Self-Forgiveness:

Self-Forgiveness is not cool.

Identifying with the normative culture of what is deemed 'cool' such as talking about things that interest most people to keep the 'energy' going.

Trying to 'please' people by talking about stuff that people like to talk about to keep the 'energy' going.

Self-Forgiveness is 'religious.

Having to keep repeating self-forgiveness statements over and over with no 'feel' to them.

Self-Forgiveness (Pertaining to the Above):

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-forgiveness is 'not cool' instead of realizing that I base my 'belief' on 'personality' -- making 'personality' 'more than' who I am -- as I 'look' to 'personality' for strength -- through the mind and other people's personalities -- which is, in-fact, self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-forgiveness is 'not cool' because I have defined and created myself as a specific 'personality' of what is 'cool' and 'not cool' -- living the 'lie' of what I have created myself to be and become based on 'competition' and 'comparison'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my 'expression' / 'swagger' as 'cool' -- and that I need to keep 'justifying' myself based on what it means to be 'cool' in order to 'please' others that are 'cool'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the 'personality' of what it means to be 'normal' instead of realizing that normalcy only exist within/as the mind in which I 'feed' a particular common personality construct that has been defined as 'normal' thus, enabling myself to 'judge' others if they are deemed 'not normal'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to 'adjust' every word from within/as me that I 'speak' in a way that it 'pleases' another instead of realizing that I am supporting the MIND as 'personality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-forgiveness is 'religious' because of the point of having to keep repeating self-forgiveness statements over and over with no 'feel' to them -- instead of realizing that I am doing self-forgiveness from a 'personality' standpoint -- not actually doing self-forgiveness as the entirety of me as who I am, but actually doing self-forgiveness out of self-deception and self-manipulation from a starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to 'feel' something in order for it to be 'relevant' which is the 'high' which I have accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved to -- in order for me continue to 'participate' within my form of self-interest as 'fulfillment'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to 'feel' something in order for it to be 'relevant' instead of realizing that I am supporting the 'mind' of who I am -- placing myself into/as a position within/as 'energy' rather than 'practicality' and common-sense.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I do not accept or allow myself to 'move' as a 'feeling' -- which I utilize to judge every particle and expression of who I am as a 'feeling' separate from me rather than me as as an 'equal' to all as all.

I do not accept or allow myself to identify with the 'normative culture' which is, in-fact, identifying with the MIND within/as a form of 'personality' that I 'embrace' as 'separation' from the totality of me as an 'equal' to all.

I do not accept or allow myself to identify with self-interest -- believing and desiring to fulfill every point of me that yearns for self-interest -- believing that I do not have enough in order to 'make me happy' -- thus having to 'abuse' myself for it by participating within/as the MIND.

I am not cool. No one is cool. Coolness is an expression of the MIND as self-interest and self-manipulation to 'become' something that Self is not. Self as an 'equal' to all doesn't need to 'prove' Self to another because Self is, in-fact, all that exists.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate within the point of 'being cool' which is self-deception.

I do not accept or allow myself to 'please' people by talking about stuff that people like to talk about to keep the 'energy' going which is a waste of time. What is relevant to talk about within this world but cold-hard truth?

Self-Corrective Application:

To push self to the point where the actual self is birthed through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

To not participate in 'personality' as 'being cool'.

To not support a specific 'personality' within a 'commonality' -- embracing these 'personality points' as 'normal', 'real', and/or as 'who I am'.

Investigating "Love" as Separation Chat

2011-04-19T20:36:00.000-05:00

Leon: What is 'love'?

J: Let's [evaluate the points that we see].

J: Identification as a woman separate from a man

Leon: Point of the desire for fulfillment

J: Identification with the body

Leon: Identification with the Personality

J: desire for the other separate from me

Leon: Desire for something 'more than' to manifest 'happiness' within one's life.

J: wanting to make someone special

Leon: Identification with the MIND as thoughts, feelings and emotions, memories, etc.

Leon: Identification with 'polarity'

J: desire for pleasure (MIND)

J: Aversion for pain

J: aversion for being alone

Self-Forgiveness:

J: I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to identify as a woman separate from a man

Leon: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire 'fulfillment' instead of realizing that I am living the point of 'separation' as who I am within/as the MIND as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that only the MIND needs fulfillment with/as another because I have accepted and allowed myself within/as the MIND to accept myself as 'separate' from another individual -- not wanting to 'see' that I am equal and one with/as all because I don't want to 'let go' of the knowledge and information that I have been taught as the 'right way' to 'be' and 'live'.

J: I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to identify with the body

J: I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to desire the other separate from me

Leon: I forgive myself that I have accepted and alllowed myself to identify myself with/as the personality -- because I have placed trust within/as the personality of who I am through the knowledge and information that was taught by my parents. Thus, I have also been taught to believe that everything that my parents say is true and accurate -- and to live my personality as the God of my existence.

J: I forgive myself that ia ccepted and allowed myself to make someone special or better than others

Leon: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love as happiness and to form separation from who I am here and the construct of happiness which I believe exist outside of me through the vessel of love -- instead of realizing that the happiness within our current state of reality is the bliss in which I miss-out on what's really going on -- because I never wanted to look face-to-face at the 'reflection' of myself within this world which is the 'abuse' that is never in a state of happiness.

J: I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to desire pleasure

J: I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to have aversion for pain

Leon: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with/as the thoughts, feelings and emotions -- living as a reaction to everything that I become emotional from -- which is the declaration of my enslavement to my own reflection through energy.

J: I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to have aversion for being alone

Leon: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify the integrity of who I am within polarity -- living polarity as the lie of me as the MIND which I have defined as the " I " that I use to "lie" to myself through every word that I speak which constitutes a friction of polarity.

Self-Direction / Self-Corrective Statements:

J: I am Love as Life==I am the breath in every moment here===I am here

Leon: I do not accept or allow myself to identify who I am as the MIND.

Leon: I do not accept or allow myself to identify with thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, perceptions, ideas, and beliefs which forms the integrity of 'love'.

Leon: I do not LOVE (from a perspective of separation -- supporting love as a cover-up of the true expression within our current system which is ABUSE.)

Self-Corrective Application:

Leon: To push self to the point where the actual self is birthed through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

J: Relationship Self-forgiveness: www.desteni.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=145&t=996

Celebrating Birthdays Chat

2011-04-19T10:07:00.000-05:00

J: What do we celebrate when we celebrate birthdays?

Leon: The developed memories within/as a person in relation to the relationships that they have had with each other that has formed a 'relationship-tie' (bond) of 'specialness' associated with that individual.

J: So, if we are celebrating the memories we had as personalities with personalities, the question is, are we that personality that we say we are?

Leon: No.

J: why do you say that?

Leon: Because if I am defined by my personality, then I define myself based on my 'past constructs' of/as memories and as limitation.

J: What meaning do you give PERSONALITY?

Leon: The complex of all the attributes--behavioral, temperamental, emotional and mental--that characterize a unique individual

J: so why are those limitations?

J: and why is being a unique individual not okay

Leon: Because we are programmed to walk as only these attributes.

Leon: A unique individual is not okay only if that individual defines themselves within the circumference of their uniqueness which is a form of self-interest.

J: can we transcend all those attributes? If we can, how and why?

Leon: Yes, we are able to transcend those attributes through the deconstruction of self as a 'personality' into/as 'LIFE' as who we are through self-forgiveness. For example: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me based on my 'personality' -- living as 'limitation' everywhere I go in which I judge others based on their 'differences' in personality in relation to my 'personality' -- instead of living a point where 'personality' is no longer the 'master' of who I am by 'deconstructing' the integrity of what I stand for as a 'personality' through self-forgiveness.

J: Why is uniqueness a form of self-interest?

Leon: Uniqueness can be a form of self-interest if I define myself as a 'personality' through/as my ego -- only 'worshipping' who I am as a 'personality' -- which is actually the 'edification' of limitation which manifests 'polarity' / separation in the world.

J: fascinating!

J: How does self-forgiveness assist as in "deconstruction of self as a 'personality' into/as 'LIFE' as who we are through self-forgiveness"? Will you explain that and how it relates to many points all of us share as personalities and birthing us here as LIFE?

J: When you say LIFE, what do you mean?

J: How can we birth ourselves as LIFE when we are already born here? That's why we have birthdays.

J: When i was born as in, I as June as the body is physically born here, that's me as the personality, okay. What is birthing me here as LIFE?

Leon: Self-Forgiveness assists in the 'deconstruction' of Self as a 'personality' because it is similar to untying shoes -- releasing the 'tie' that Self has supported as Self since the beginning. To birth ourselves as LIFE means that we become 'alive' 'beyond' our 'programming' nature. It is to live the 'expression' of who we really are as 'equals' with and as all. Therefore, from a personality standpoint, a birthday happens once a year, but from a self-expression standpoint, a birthday happens in every moment of breath as we 'birth' ourselves into/as 'eternity'.

J: fascinating!

J: how do we practically birth ourselves as breath , as in, "in every moment of breath as we birth ourselves into/as eternity"?

J: When does eternity come in and limitation disappear?

Leon: We take the practical application of stopping the 'influences' that support the 'personality' to remain a significant part of ones realty through the vehicle of thoughts, feelings and emotions. Breathing is actually a tool to assist man in directing Self to remain 'stable' in every moment by breathing in all points that Self has defines Self as, as the 'breathing out' would be the 'releasing' of all points of Self that Self has defined Self as -- which would be the point of 'letting go' of all points that define self as a 'personality'. It is to simply 'breathe' and trust in breath as who we really are 'behind' the 'facet' of the 'movements' within that we participate in as thoughts, feelings and emotions that gives life the personality. Limitation disappears when the 'personality' is no longer the 'directive principle' of man.

J: amazing

Saying "Be Blessed" Promotes Separation

2011-04-17T22:23:00.001-05:00

Many people like to say 'be blessed' as there is a manifested point of 'hope' that is invoked from one's mental integrity of feelings / emotions as a 'mind reaction'. The 'hope' is manifested from a 'polarity' within the world that causes the point of hope to exist -- which is "I haves" or "I have nots". The "I haves" within the world are the ones that manifest the "I have nots" from a general perspective -- because the world exists on a point of 'polarity' within the monetary system for it to remain existent. This is similar to a 'vampire' sucking the blood from its victim. The monetary system needs a 'polarity balance' for it to remain stable as what it exists as: which is NOT an 'equal system' that is 'best for all'. So every time someone says 'be blessed' they are actually 'embracing' and 'supporting' the current system of man that man has created. In an 'equal money' system, 'blessings' will not exist because everyone will be 'blessed'. There would no more be a reason to say, "I am blessed." because within the point of saying that, the individual was once 'not blessed'. In an 'equal money' system everyone 'at birth' will already have what is 'needed', thus, 'blessings' would be irrelevant.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept 'blessings' as 'life' -- instead of realizing that I am actually supporting the current monetary system to continue to create 'have nots' within this world so that there will be 'haves'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as 'limitation' within the world -- depending on 'blessings' to create the infrastructure of who I am as 'limitation' -- limiting myself from what is 'best for all' as 'equality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'blessings' are 'more than' me and that I need 'blessings' for me to 'exist' -- instead of standing up and being an 'example' of 'change' within this world by first 'changing' who I am as a 'participant' within the MIND to a 'participant' within/as 'equality' which I have never investigated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place 'trust' in a being that I consider 'more than' me: whether it's God or the government to 'bless' me with my 'necessities' within the world -- becoming a 'slave' to the 'master who I 'depend' on so I can keep my 'head in the sand' from my own self-responsibilities within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'value' blessings because others 'value' blessings -- not seeing the starting point of how 'blessings' exist. Therefore, I become 'blind' to the 'operations' of blessings within this world and become part of the 'operation' as the 'cycle flow' of 'polarity' within/as the monetary system -- never standing, and never doing anything about it, but rather, enjoying the 'self-interest' has been 'bestowed' to me as who I am within/as the 'framework' of the MIND.

Self-Corrective Statements:

Blessings are a justification to accept the current structure of this world. I do not accept or allow myself to limit myself based on the 'blessings' that I receive.

I do not accept or allow myself to live as a 'slave' to 'blessings'. The only way to not accept or allow myself to live as a 'slave' to blessings is through deconstructing the " I " that has 'caused' / supported the point of 'blessings' which is the MIND. Investigate Desteni for further perspective.

I am all that exists, but I'd rather be the supporter of the 'enslavement point' of 'blessings', thus, I am a 'slave' to the system 'dependent' on 'blessings' to 'create' the 'integrity' of how I 'walk as' everyday. I do not accept or allow myself to be a 'slave' to 'blessings'.

I am the Breath in every moment here.

I am here.

I am one and equal as all LIFE.

Self-Corrective Application:

Recording All Points Within Blogs & Vlogs

2011-04-17T20:56:00.001-05:00

I am in relationship with J as an 'equality agreement' which is a declaration of both party’s 'agreement' that the individual is one and equal as all life and how that is to be manifested in the physical for real, as the individuals involved in an 'equality agreement' assist self by stopping the mind through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

Let me break it down for you. Normal relationships work within/as 'energy' by generating feelings and emotions such as: love, passion, the generation of 'sexual energy' within/as intercourse through the participation in energetic patterns of love, feelings, etc., anger which induces conflict and arguments, fulfillment of a point 'from' another, etc. An equality agreement would be considered a self-directive form of relationship where the two or more that are involved are involved with the sole purpose of directing these points to not allow self to 'fall' into the 'trap' of 'energy' of which is believed is who we are. Will we always live as a 'reaction' as the 'outflow' of thoughts, feelings and emotions? This is how 'relationship' is structured -- to support the 'relationship' instead of supporting self AS the relationship: by stopping the 'energetic flow' that creates conflict with/as self with/as another. And the way that 'relationship' is supported is through and as this 'energy' of thoughts, feelings and emotions that we participate within/as everyday.

Within an 'agreement' as a 'real' relationship with another, everything should be recorded. All points that are investigated should be recorded within blogs and vlogs because this assists and supports one another to actually 'see' the process and how the relationship stands with/as the other. It will reveal the 'demons' that one is feeding through the mind and it will assist in 'stopping' these 'demons' through self-direction by applying self-corrective application when a time-loop occurs (another opportunity to 'face' the point again.) Therefore the question is, what kind of 'movement' are you accepting and allowing within you in which you are accepting and allowing that point to 'create' the 'outflow' of your relationship? Blog about it and SEE yourself. Then apply self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing yourself to 'conform' the thought, feeling, or emotion, and then apply self-corrective action wherein the point will be directed accordingly.

Fearing the " I " of Intimacy

2011-04-17T12:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday (April 16th 2011) I was chatting with someone and 'breath orgasm' came through as the topic. Breath orgasm is a 'non-sexual' way to stop 'built up' energies, to stabilize yourself and to stop 'sexual addiction' utilizing the breath only. It is not something that I am proficient at presently, but I allowed myself to become intimate with my body by touching it as the individual that I was in communication with was supporting me with this point. Before, I would do this point during sexual masturbation. I would rub / touch my body. I would be 'intimate' with my body as myself. I would 'feel' my shoulders, my arms, neck, chest, nipples, stomach, pelvic area, legs, etc. I would become 'intimate' with these parts of the body through touch -- with no one around -- only me -- before performing masturbation -- which is 'separation'. Why? Because I could not do this point with the individual that I was in communication with 'equal and one', plus, my starting-point was based on a point 'separation' from the 'touching myself as intimacy' which would be to acquire 'pleasure' from masturbation therafter, thus, the 'intimacy' that I 'thought' that I had was simply a form of feeding the 'mind' through sexual performances that appeared to be intimate. If I am unable to do these points with/as another, and if I am unable to do it 'equal and one' as 'innocence' without the performance and expectation of going into a 'masturbation point thereafter', I am simply 'fucking' myself as my 'desires' (literally).

Another point that came up was that I am unable to 'feel' my body because:

1) It is unnecessary to go to that intimate level with the body because that is a MIND interaction. For one, there is really no such thing as 'intimacy' as a 'feeling', but there is intimacy as the " I ". Only the " I " can express the entirety of who I am 'here' as all 'parts' of me with no reaction. When I am unable to express the " I " of me 'equal and one', then intimacy becomes a 'feeling' rather than the 'pure' expression of who I am.

2) I don't have time to 'play' with myself. I should remain existent within/as the point of 'tension' everywhere I go, because I should 'reflect' / 'mirror' the system. Therefore within this point, I 'believe' that I should 'reflect' the system because of the point of 'guilt' -- believing that I am unable to do anything about this system. But now there is something that we are able to do about it -- by establishing a system where everyone has 'equal values', and 'equal money'. No one would be specialized within the point of 'equal money'.

Equal Money

Equal Money is a common-sensical tool where everyone will be able to express the point of 'equal values' and 'equal rights', so to speak, by establishing a system that is 'best for all' man. It is the 'foundation' of that which we all 'express' within the form of religion and politics etc. from the perspective of 'freedom'. In religion, you die and go to a place where everyone is equal. In politics, man talks about the point wherein s/he believes is 'best for all' from their perspectives, but politics is also used in social relations involving intrigue to gain authority or power, but it would still be the same concept nevertheless because 'behind' the power lies a sense of 'freedom'. It is as though everyone is 'trying to get' to 'freedom' within/as 'power' -- which is 'separation' from the realization that everyone is already equal and that 'freedom' is 'already here' within/as the 'foundation' of 'equality'.

But an equal money system would be virtually impossible to manifest because the foundation of the current system is meant for the 'rich' to be financially fed through the poor. It is meant to support 'polarity' for financial gain. Thus, the 'heaven' would simply be provided for the 'rich' -- which is not an 'actual heaven', but is a sort-of 'manipulated' form of heaven. Equal money would be the answer to stop all crimes. Have a look. Most / All crimes are manifested because of survival:

Peer influence

A person's peer group strongly influences a decision to commit crime. For example, young boys and girls who do not fit into expected standards of academic achievement can sometimes become lost in the competition. Children of families who cannot afford adequate clothing or school supplies can also fall into the same trap. Researchers believe these youth may abandon schoolmates in favor of criminal gangs, since membership in a gang earns respect and status in a different manner. In gangs, antisocial behavior and criminal activity earns respect and street credibility. Like society in general, criminal gangs are usually focused on material gain. Gangs, however, resort to extortion, fraud, and theft as a means of achieving it.

We see here that 'peer influence' plays a role in the cause of crimes, and we can see that 'criminal gangs' are usually focused on 'material gain' as stated above. Researchers believe some of the young people who do not meet certain standards, whether it's academic, social, financial, etc. may abandon schoolmates in favor of criminal gangs, since membership in a gang earns respect and status. Now if everyone had the 'material necessities' already: such as a good running car, a roof over their head... all common-sensical shit that man needs to 'survive' and travel effectively, we can 'mathematically' say that at least 'most' gangs wouldn't exist anymore because everyone would have the basic fundamentals that are 'fought for' daily.

Now we also see 'pride' as another reason of gang activity. Many gangs are out to be known -- to be shown. Why? Because they are simply reflecting what we are doing to each other. In our systematic life that has been birthed through our collective choices, we have a hierarchy: the rich at the top and the poor at the bottom. I also thought about the point of how 'northern' regions and countries seem to virtually always have 'more than' southern regions, states, and countries. Have a look. North America vs. South America. If you stay in Dallas, you'll know that North Dallas has a more financial integrity than South Dallas. We see four of the most richest countries based in Europe which is one of the north-most continents out of the seven continents. This doesn't reveal a relevant point, but simply an observation, but the point is, pride, from an 'ego' perspective, is birthed from the point of 'polarity' as 'more than' - 'less than'. Thus, gangs would be 'showing us' our own 'haughty' tendencies -- which causes abuse, murder, rape, starvation, etc. Pride is a killer, and the more that we participate in 'pride', the more we support the 'abuse' to continue to exist.

So what would be the cause of pride is the same reason that there is polarity in the financial system (rich / poor). The rich needs many people to support their financial integrity. The poor simply needs a constructed financial integrity and will have the psychological motive to make that happen depending on how 'great' their 'desire' is for a constructed financial integrity -- which would birth robbery, murder, etc. within the world because of this polarity friction.

This would be the same as pride. Pride equals power and freedom. Money equals power and freedom. The ones that already have 'position' have 'respect' from other fellow men, and the most 'obvious' way to gain 'respect' is by acquiring a sufficient amount that will equal to the 'image' of 'respect'. Many individuals that don't have money or 'pride' will 'force' their pride to manifest through means such as through different forms of violent motives which would then manifest the 'emotion' / 'feeling' of 'pride' within/as themselves through/as the MIND. So we know that 'pride' is birthed from polarity, and we know that one obvious (and probably the greatest polarity point) within the world is 'money'. Well through 'equal money', everyone will be 'equal', and there would be no need to do things to gain 'pride'. Pride will cease to exist. It is the same as with mathematics.

If you are multiplying 1/2 X 2/1, you will get the answer 2/2. Since 2 and 2 are the same, then they will both 'cancel out' each other and equal one. If you take the phrase 'equal one' within this context and add equal+ity and one+ness, you get equality and oneness.

Here's another example. If you are multiplying 12/6 X 6/18, you will get the answer 2/3 (or .667). The two 6s in this context will 'cancel out' and 'equal one'. Thus, 12/1 and 1/18 would equal to 2/3.

So if we 'bring everyone' to a point where everyone is equal and one with/as themselves, then equality is birthed, and thus, equal-money can take effect. How to do that? It is the same with mathematics. We have to 'cancel out' all points that are believed to exist 'separate' from us and to realize that we are equal and one to these points and that we 'are' those points. This will cause starvation, greed, murder, rape, genocide, etc. to cease to exist because these points are birthed from a starting point of 'separation' such as 'fear' -- utilizing thoughts, feelings and emotions to generate these points 'as separation'. Thus, which is why it is 'vital' to stop the MIND existent within/as 'polarity'. The 'opposite' is only a 'polarity reflection' of the alternative. The 'opposite' really doesn't exist.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I 'walk' with 'pride', I am 'free' from all of that which is the manifestation of 'pride' as the 'low' -- instead of realizing that I, instead, support 'abuse' to continue within this world with a starting-point of 'pride' -- that I have observed through manifestations of 'genocide' and the 'raping' of 'self-dignity'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'opposite polarity' exists and that it is 'bigger' than me instead of realizing that I accept all manifestations within/as this world to remain existent because I 'feed' these polarities from within my own mind through thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'fear' being intimate with my body because of the belief that it is not necessary to be intimate with my body because I was 'brainwashed' to believe that I have to remain 'tense' within this world in which I support 'tension' to exist through my belief that 'tension' is God through money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to exhibit 'pride' in order to be accepted / respected instead of realizing that the exhibition and support of utilizing 'pride' within/as 'emotion' is my declaration of the enslavement of this reality that humanity has birthed collectively as 'abuse' and also my declaration that I support 'pride' to continue to exist within manifestations of rich/poor, murder, rape, starvation, hierarchy, 'specialness', etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to exhibit 'pride' instead of looking at the points wherein I allow 'pride' to exist within/as me and instead of bringing about solution within/as this world to 'stop' pride and the very manifestations of pride thereof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something that could possibly exist 'separate' from me and that I 'need' that very thing to create the 'expression' that I walk as a mind-consciousness system as the ego / identity that I give myself as a 'personality' instead of realizing that I am equal and one to all as all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that 'respect' within this world is the 'respect' of the mind through/as thoughts, feelings and emotions -- that the 'respect' within this world is based on 'separation' -- acquiring a point that is believed to be 'separate' from self in order to 'feel' as if Self has what is 'required' to be 'respected.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that 'respect' within this world is the 'respect' of the mind through/as thoughts, feelings and emotions -- that the 'respect' within this world is based on 'personality' as the 'caressing' of the 'personality' which is the part of self that has been 'developed' through 'abuse' and 'separation' -- 'respecting separation' as who we are and infiltrating it within the world causing more 'abuse' masqueraded with 'love' and 'morality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that an 'equal money system' is ludicrous because it is an 'impossible concept' compared to the current system that we live in in which within that statement, I 'declare' myself as a 'rightful slave' to the current system and not doing anything about it, thus, also accepting the current 'status' of this world as the manifestation of 'abuse' within and without.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am the abuser and the one that gets abused if I am not doing anything about the current structure of the world. I have the ability to investigate 'equal money'.

I should throw the concept of 'respect' in the 'trash can' because to 'respect' anything or any one in this world is 'respecting' the 'foundation' of 'abuse' as 'personality', 'status', thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I do not accept or allow myself to live as 'abuse'. The only way to not accept or allow myself to live as 'abuse' is through deconstructing the " I " that has 'caused' / supported the abuse which is the MIND. Investigate Desteni for further perspective.

I am not an individual separate from another. I am all that exists. I am the supporter of 'abuse', thus, I am the 'abuser'.

I am not special.

I do not LOVE (from a perspective of 'separation' -- supporting 'love' as a cover-up of the 'true' expression within our 'current system' which is ABUSE.)

I am the Breath in every moment here.

I am here.

I am one and equal as all LIFE.

Self-Corrective Application:

To investigate equal-money.

To investigate Desteni

To investigate not supporting the MIND which is the 'generator' of 'abuse'.

To be 'intimate' with myself within the 'innocence' of the moment instead of within a 'bracket' for the 'purpose' of instigating 'sexual feelings' for masturbation purposes.

Breath Orgasm Videos:

1) Breath Orgasm to Replace Masturbation:

http://youtu.be/ZSDsEeVMdFE

2) Breath Orgasm: Practical Tips

http://youtu.be/UUm11DrFYTU

3) Breath Orgasm & Self-Equality

http://youtu.be/Jfc1XP1MTTM

4) Breath Orgasm and Stopping the Mind

http://youtu.be/FrRZ2hHN4Es

5) Breath Orgasm: Discovering the Real Mysteries

http://youtu.be/0Pwxwkhdnsc

6) Breath Orgasm: Primordial Explosive Expressions

http://youtu.be/x6WZlxVaZZc

7) Breath Orgasm: Self Standing-Up

http://youtu.be/Z6UaDOAVLUU

8) Breath Orgasm: Share it with Every Cell

http://youtu.be/cGeTVxtYqX4

9) Breath Orgasms in Group & in Public

http://youtu.be/HULUygvQcik

Breath Orgasm Videos

http://youtu.be/1A-zmtw53t4

Resources:

http://equalmoney.org

http://www.aneki.com/richest.html

http://www.desteni.co.za/faq

http://www.scribd.com/doc/8376295/Causes-of-Crime

Forcing Desire Within Agreement

2011-04-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

I am in agreement with J: a 'relationship' that stands for 'equality' by stopping the mind (as thoughts, feelings and emotions) through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

To break it down more of what an 'agreement' is, it is an 'actual' relationship'. We are stopping desires, emotions and feelings that create the definition of 'love' etc. because they are essentially NOT REAL. We are living the 'actuality' of what is here through 'practical application' of stopping the MIND. And then one sees the 'reality' of what one has accepted and allowed to exist as through 'energy' (e.g. thoughts, feelings and emotions). In order to have a 'normal' relationship, it has to be fed by the 'energy' called LOVE, feelings, emotions, etc. in order for the relationship to remain 'existent'. This is not the case within an 'agreement'. An agreement focuses on the relevancy of what is 'here' within/as our existence and to 'push' self to the point where the 'actual self' is birthed through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practical application in day to day life, standing as Self and assisting each other to create a world where all life is truly honored for eternity.

Presently, when writing this blog I haven't been in the agreement long yet, but I 'felt' the need to 'force desire', because I thought it was 'weird' to not have a 'desire' for someone, yet, be in 'relationship' with them. This is one of the MIND points that fucks all. Because when living as 'desire' one only sees the 'relationship' through the point of 'desire' and not what is 'here' as what is REAL.

Thus, the 'relationship' is not based on 'each other' from the perspective of 'personality', our likes and dislikes, to/towards each other or external factors, our physical attributes such as age, race, and 'physical assets' that that are viewed as 'eye-catching'. Nor is the relationship based on 'love' desire, feelings, emotions, a 'specialness' about the other that 'forms' an 'attraction' to the other, passion, self-interests, etc. The relationship is solely about what is 'relevant' from the perspective of what I/we are accepting and allowing myself/ourselves to exist as within/as the relationship. What are some points that I am 'holding on' to which I deem the other party that I am involved within the relationship as 'special'? What are some points that I am 'holding on' to which creates the 'patterns of experiences' that I continue to rebirth in which I allow myself to 'fall' within/as the 'relationship' through the utilization of emotions of 'anger', depression, sorrow, fear, hiding, self-dishonesty, etc.? What am I allowing myself to define myself as -- as the 'relationship' instead of as who I am in every moment of breath? So these are questions to ask myself as you are able to ask yourself the same questions.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'desire' is who I am and that I need to 'express' that desire in relationships in order to have a 'fulfilled' relationship -- instead of realizing that I am 'fulfilling' the mind as 'energy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'place emphasis' on the 'picture' and attributes of my partner believing that the 'picture' is 'special', thus utilizing that 'picture' to create special 'feelings and emotions' that I have conjured up within my own mind to make the relationship seem 'greater'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'losing' myself if I am not 'fulfilled' by 'energy' through / within thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'losing' myself if I am not 'fulfilled' by 'love' to 'uplift' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am unable to 'desire' something / someone, I don't 'exist'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trust' in 'desire' as the 'life' of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will 'lose' myself if I don't participate in the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Self-Corrective Statements:

Love doesn't exist. How can 'love' exist?

I do not accept or allow myself to live as 'desire'.

I do not accept or allow myself to live as 'energy': feeding on relationships from a starting point of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

How can Self exist when Self is participating in 'energy'?

How can Self be 'real' when Self is participating in 'energy'?

I am not an individual separate from another.

I am not special.

I do not LOVE (from a perspective of 'separation' -- supporting 'love' as an 'energy' rather than practical self-honest, self-direction.)

I am Love as LIFE.

I am the Breath in every moment here.

I am here.

I am one and equal as all LIFE.

Self-Corrective Application:

When I see myself going into a pattern of 'desire', I STOP participating in 'desire' and 'breathe'. I remain 'here' as breath.

Competition as Agreement with J

2011-04-16T19:03:00.001-05:00

Today, a point came up wherein I see myself as 'lagging' behind and not 'catching' up with blogging and interacting with other Destonians about the 'agreement' like J is doing. Thus, the competition has always been in me because of the belief that I am 'behind' in my blogs. This point exists because I have procrastinated in the past, and now the 'catching up' seems as though I am not 'doing enough', or not going 'fast' enough'.

Emotions That Came Up:

Competition; Guilt

Words / Phrases Behind the Thought:

1) I don't want to communicate with other Destonians that much to cause 'conflict' which then causes a bunch of 'misunderstandings'.

2) "J" is participating in the 'agreement' more. Why does she want to be in an 'agreement' with someone that doesn't participate with Desteni from a 'forthcoming' perspective?

3) "J" is participating in the 'agreement' more, and it seems as though I am not working 'hard' / 'fast' enough -- from the perspective of blogging and vlogging.

Points I Saw Within This:

See myself as 'lagging' behind and not 'catching' up because, in the past, I procrastinated a lot.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as 'procrastination' -- in which I continue to support the 'infrastructure' of the mind -- instead of 'directing' myself in every moment of breath and standing as an 'example' of/as 'practicality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live 'agreement' as 'competition of processes' instead of realizing that I am supporting the mind as 'relationship' rather than 'equality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my 'process' based on the observations / judgments of others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'push' myself in moment where I am 'procrastinating' -- allowing the mind to 'possess' me into/as 'laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make 'assumptions' about the 'future', thus, manifesting that 'assumption' as 'reality' -- because I 'lived' it within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'agreement' is 'separate' from me -- instead of realizing that 'agreement' is -- as who I am 'here'.

Self-Corrective Statements:

An 'agreement' is who I am 'here'. Nothing exists 'separate' from me.

My process is not about how the 'others' see me as -- because the 'others' don't exist.

Emotions are 'relationship-ties' that connects the 'physical here' with a memory 'tied' to the past, thus defining the 'physical here' based on 'past events'. I do not accept or allow myself to continue living in the past in which I 'redefine' what is here as a mind-construct.

Self-Corrective Application:

To 'apply' myself accordingly without procrastination.

Fear of Intimacy

2011-04-13T18:03:00.000-05:00

Me and J decided to chat with each other on April 11th 2011. The chat kinda took off spontaneously and I developed a sense of fearing 'intimacy' because we were talking about relationships & agreements. I believed that I don't suppose to talk to people on that level.

Emotions That Came Up:

Fear of Intimacy, Sense of Guilt

Words / Phrases Behind the Thought:

1) I should remain unemotional.

2) This is wrong.

3) The system doesn't allow this emotional interaction.

4) Sex is wrong.

5) I am 'disobeying' the system if I interact with intimacy to/towards something / someone.

Points I Saw Within This:

1) When I see people (women especially), I should remain unemotional because people turn their heads quickly (signifying apathy).

Memories

I looked at many women in my life and the impression that I get don't seem to match their looks. They usually turn around fast as to not 'show' any 'emotion', and as not to establish any 'intimate' association. So no matter how 'attractive' the appearance, the demeanor seems pretty apathetic. So I incorporated this within my reality -- incorporated a sense of 'apathy' -- 'wanting' to be like 'women' in order to 'please' them -- because of the belief that this is the 'right' thing to do. So my belief is that women 'like' unemotional associations because women 'turn their head' quickly when I look at them. The 'picture' that I have in my 'mind' is a picture of an attractive 'white' woman who's demeanor is 'serious' -- so I try to incorporate that impression within/as the 'integrity' of my 'personality construct'.

2) When I go to the doctor sometimes, they ask if you had 'sex' over a specific amount of years, so I felt that I shouldn't have sex because everyone is having sex making me 'feel' as though I am just another 'piece of meat' in the system -- thus is the reason why everyone gets 'treated' like a 'piece of meat'. Thus, the more 'sex' people have, the more 'abuse' will exist within the world.

Memories

This point originated from the 'government' and how the 'government' likes to 'test' us physiologically, mentally, etc. Therefore, us being pieces of 'meat' in a system that is controlled by the 'government'. The 'government' doesn't want us to have sex because sex is too 'expressive'. Anything that has to do with 'expression' is considered 'taboo'. Now the question is, why is this point related to the government? Because it is the 'government' that has total control over our us. The government brainwashes us through the media in order for the government to propose a civilization that 'follows blindly'; the government teaches what we need to know in order to understand the methodologies of the system through 'education', therefore, blindly following and dictating the 'knowledge' of the 'system'; the government and plays with our health by utilizing 'money' as a means to 'control' our illnesses so not to give us a 'pure cure' or it'll 'destroy' the profit-making scheme 'behind' the health industry. Also, if you look at this Desteni video, it informs how the government uses nanotechnology to control us from a physiological perspective:

So having sex would be like giving the government what they want = more of a population to use people as 'test subjects'.
Self-Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the government is 'testing' me -- instead of realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'victimized' by the very 'masters' of the system (the government, the media, the banks, the educational system, etc.) in which I (as all as one and 'equal' as 'humanity') have created this because I have allowed myself to be / remain 'limited' through my own beliefs -- wherein I have 'trapped' myself..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me to 'live' I need to be 'healthy' instead of realizing that I am actually 'falling' -- 'falling' for the 'prey' of 'sickness' because I 'fear' it, therefore, it 'attacks' me in the 'spur of the moment' like a 'thief' in the night.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'health' is 'more than' me, therefore, needing it to 'revive' me into a 'physiological bliss' that can only exist within/as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be abused by the 'government' because I have 'trusted' in the government as 'separate' from me -- believing that this 'trust' that exists 'separate' from me, in which I see as 'more than' who I am, is able to 'save' me from my 'troubles' that I have created through that very same 'separation'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'intimacy' -- believing that I should remain 'unemotional' so the government cannot use me as 'bait' -- instead of realizing that I am 'declaring' myself as 'less than' the government by 'resisting' the government through 'apathy'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' -- declaring myself as 'limitation' through knowledge and information rather than what is here as all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'resist' emotions -- instead of realizing that I am actually forming a 'relationship-tie' to 'emotions' through resisting emotions declaring myself as the 'mind' within/as thoughts, feelings, and emotions -- instead of remaining 'here' as breath within/as the 'stability' of what is 'here' as 'all life'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a 'reaction' to 'pictures' -- believing in the 'picture' rather than what is 'behind' the picture as 'deception'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept 'knowledge and information' as 'wisdom' -- using this 'wisdom' as the 'reflection' of who I am as a 'slave to the system' -- instead of 'letting go' of all knowledge and information, and seeing what is 'here' as 'common sense' (as what is 'best for all' man).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'separate' the 'expression' of me as 'intimacy' through 'another' -- believing that I can only be 'intimate' with another instead of realizing that all is me and that all intimacy is self-intimacy.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the 'test subject' of the 'system' because I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as 'less than' my own creation. Therefore, I have accepted and allowed my own 'creations' to 'test' me through 'polarity'.
Self-Corrective Statements:
Knowledge and Information can never see what is 'best for all' all knowledge and information has been created as 'formulations' within the mind to support the mind in separation from what is 'here' as all life -- which doesn't take 'knowledge' to see the fuck-up. I do not accept or allow myself to support knowledge and information as 'outflows' of the mind. Knowledge and Information can only create 'oneness', but never 'equality' -- which is the 'simplicity' of Common Sense'.
I will not accept or allow myself to form a 'resistance' to / toward anyone -- which is the 'act' of accepting and allowing the 'relationship-tie' with what is being 'resisted' to continue -- supporting the mind in separation.
I am the breath and I place self-trust within/as the 'breath' in every moment rather than placing trust into something/someone that I have defined as 'separate' from me.
Self-Corrective Application:
Push through points wherein I 'resist' intimacy.
Stop putting on an 'unemotional' expression -- believing that I am 'transcending' emotions when, in-fact, I am accepting and allowing 'separation' and accepting 'emotions' as 'more than' me.

Redefining Words: Relationship

2011-03-31T19:04:00.000-05:00

Relationship = (Real Holographic Shit) = Relationships are never about the other person, but about the relationship with the 'holographic' person that was created in your mind that is 'related' to the physical person that you see.

Therefore, all relationships are relationships with the 'holographic mental clone' of the physical entity in your head UNLESS the mind is not involved -- because the mind will always create thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, beliefs, interpretations, and ideas about the physical person, and when this happens, that's when you're having a relationship with the holographic entity in your head.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all relationships are the relationships with my own memory allocations within/as my mind -- showing me to me in every moment of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can never live a 'true' relationship if the 'mind' is involved: if I accept and allow myself to continue to judge, have thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, interpretations, and beliefs about the other person that I am in a 'relationship' with.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support who I am in every moment within/as the 'relationship' that I am involved in: seeing who I am and what I accept and allow myself to be and become as a 'mind possession' to my 'allocated memories' of which I re-member (verb).

Redefining Words: Acceptance = (Except-ance) = To exclude Self from all as 'equals' or to believe that Self is already 'separate' from all as one and to 'desire' 'Acceptance' -- because Self believes that 'Except-ance' exists. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a 'lie' within/as 'relationship' yearning for 'except-ance' of which I actually support 'separation' of/as who I am -- declaring 'separation' as 'me' and believing that a 'relationship' is that which exists 'outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, beliefs, interpretations, pictures, memories and ideas are my 'actual' girlfriend/boyfriend of which I 'match' these points up in the 'physical' and call it 'love', 'spirituality', 'relationship', 'bliss', 'peace', etc.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I am equal and one to all as all.

I don't need a 'relationship' to be happy because I am 'here'. All is 'here'.

I do not accept or allow myself to continue to support what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as my mind-consciousness system as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, beliefs, interpretations, pictures, memories and ideas. I direct myself 'here' as 'breath' as innocence.

I am not my memories. I am here. I live as 'innocence'. I do not accept or allow myself to remain 'time-trapped' within/as my memories -- allocating all that exists within/as my mind to 'walk as' a 'projection' of the 'identity' of which I 'trust' -- which is self-deception.

I am not my thoughts.

I am not my feelings.

I am not my emotions.

I do not accept or allow myself to be 'taken' by a 'picture' -- which is the confirmation of me that I still 'support' the 'energy' that has been invoked by the 'picture' that I am seeing as an 'outflow' of what exists within me as 'allocated memories'.

I stop; I breathe; I stand; in the face of 'energy'.

3/24/2011: At the Store

2011-03-24T21:11:00.000-05:00

Today I was at a store, and I saw a small child riding in a basket, so I decided to smile. Afterwards, the thought arose, "I like the fact that I can look at a child and smile; I hate the fact that I can't freely do that with an adult." So I posted in on Facebook:

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'polarity' of 'love' and 'hate' -- becoming possessed by 'love' and 'hate' forming self-judgment as 'polarity' -- only seeing self-judgment within everything because of the belief that there is always something to 'like BECAUSE there is something in 'polar opposite' to 'hate'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the 'polarity' of positivity and negativity -- becoming possessed by a 'personality' that I have 'created' in which I have defined that which is 'positive' -- only allowing myself to see with/as the 'eyes of positivity' and not to see and realize what is 'here' as what we have accepted and allowed to exist -- that is neither 'positive' nor 'negative'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the 'polarity' of positivity and negativity -- becoming possessed by a 'personality' that I have 'created' in which I have defined that which is 'positive' and 'negative' -- only allowing myself to see with/as the 'eyes of positivity' and 'negativity' and not to see and realize what is 'here' as what we have accepted and allowed to exist -- that is neither 'positive' nor 'negative'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that positivity exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that negativity exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form / conform to a 'personality' based on 'positivity' -- hiding the 'negativity' that is 'me' as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a 'reality' based on 'positivity' -- believing that 'positive feelings' could actually exist -- creating and forming 'limitation' as who I am as a 'personality' of thoughts, feelings and emotions -- and living an 'illusion' of 'feelings' (of positivity and negativity) as 'life'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a 'smile' is a 'positive reaction'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'conform' to a 'reaction' -- being/becoming a 'slave' of 'reaction' based on 'polarity' (such as positivity, negativity, love, hate, etc.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'negativity' exists by what is within the world as what we define as 'negativity' instead of realizing that 'negativity' is simply a construct / interpretation of the mind of what has been accepted and allowed to exist as the 'foundation' of/as 'reality' that we have 'chosen' to live by/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'deceive' myself through the act of 'pleasing others' within/as a 'smile' becoming a 'vampire' -- needing the 'energetic integrity' of 'feelings' to 'fulfill' that which I 'believe' I don't have in order to 'become' the 'personality' that I 'desire' to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'accept' myself as 'limitation' within/as 'energy' through 'positivity' and 'negativity' as 'polarity'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'accept' myself as 'limitation' within/as 'energy' through 'love' and 'hate' as 'polarity'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'accept' myself as 'limitation' within/as 'energy' through 'thoughts', 'feelings', and 'emotions' as 'polarity'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'limit' myself based on 'reaction' -- becoming a 'personality' of/as 'limitation' through 'memory constructs' that I have created/built based on my pre-judgments (prejudices) about someone/something that I have entrusted 'as myself' because I have always 'used' them (memories) to 'cover up' the 'innocence' of the 'physical reality' (seeing only the 'memory' and not the 'physical').

Dre and Medicine

2011-03-18T18:10:00.000-05:00

Today, a friend of mine called about something. He asked if I could take him to work earlier through text messaging, and so I complied with his inquiry. I was surprised that he called me later. I answered the phone assuming that he wanted to repeat his inquiry to me because I never did reply back to him earlier. I simply complied to his inquiry. Instead, he called to inform me that he will be taking shots tomorrow (March 18th 2011) and wanted me to buy him an MP3 player today with my money. He informed me that he will pay me back. I reacted to this inquiry slightly because I just didn't want to be bothered with him, and plus, I am virtually always the one that is buying him something, or giving him something, and he doesn't pay me back unless I iterate it to him.

The most prominent reaction was when he informed me that the money that I gave him for his driving school: he's going to have to use that (for his medicine/shots) -- which means that it will 'prolong' my enslavement of taking him to work every night. I am 'obligated' to take him to work every night because he doesn't have a car.

Another reaction to the situation is when I remembered that I wanted to go to my sister's and her mother's church for a youth revival tonight (March 18th 2011). So I want to do some self-forgiveness over these points -- for accepting and allowing myself to 'hold' onto these points:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'specialize' a being that is 'closely related' to me biologically BECAUSE they are 'closely related' -- believing that they are 'more than' everyone else -- in which I begin to form a 'personality' of 'separation' between 'some people' and the 'rest of the people' (the mass) = becoming the very 'reflection' of the 'Elite' as 'more than others' and the 'rest' as 'the mass' who are, in my eyes of 'deception', = 'insignificant' -- accepting 'separation' manifested within/as all points that 'man' has created 'separation' within/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a sense of 'aversion' towards Dre because of his 'financial status' and 'neediness' -- instead of realizing that 'neediness' as the 'reflection' of who we are -- 'needing' a God as 'money' to create our supposed 'well being' and calling it 'life'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'accept' all situations/experiences 'as myself' and to realize that any 'reaction' towards any situations/experiences is the 'realization' that I am 'hiding behind' a 'personality construct' that I have accepted 'as myself' to 'hide behind' what is 'here' as what we have accepted and allowed to exist. To accept 'Dre' is to accept 'myself' equal and one. To 'react to' Dre in 'disgust' is to 'support' the 'I' of 'Identity' as 'Personality' as 'Illusion' as 'Separation'.

Within every situation, I 'direct' me as the situation/experience. To 'react' is to 'declare' myself as 'less than' the situation. I am 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'define' me 'as' the 'experience. I 'am' the experience, but I am not 'defined' by it -- which is 'mind programming' as 'personality enslavement'. Any situation that I 'react' to that I seem to have 'lost', is the confirmation of my enslavement to/as an 'experience' as a 'reflection' of my 'inner programming' to the event/place/theme. Within this blog, I have no reaction to going to church, but there is the reaction towards the 'belief' that I will 'lose' a 'moment' with my 'sister', primarily -- defining myself based on 'family constructs'. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the 'picture' and 'position' within/as my 'family' -- accepting the construct of a 'family' to create who I am as 'Leon'. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'define' me as 'Leon' -- instead of realizing that 'Leon' is simply an aggregate of mind constructs that create the 'illusion' that 'Leon' as a mind-consciousness system is 'real'. But what all that exists as 'Leon' is 'symbols' as thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, beliefs and ideas creating the 'structure' of 'Leon' as apparently 'alive'.

Self-Forgiveness: Desire

2011-03-02T17:17:00.000-06:00

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'desire'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value 'desire' as a 'spiritual quest' to attain what I believe I am not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from another through 'desire'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'give' myself to another through 'desire' -- believing that if I 'give' myself to another through desire, I am able to fulfil that which I believe I am not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain thoughts, feelings and emotions as 'desire' -- creating a 'personality entity' that I begin to integrate within/as -- living that point of 'possession' through my life and calling it 'expression' -- instead of realizing that I have 'trapped' myself within this 'personality entity' becoming 'less than' who I am as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'love' with 'desire'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'sex' with 'desire'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'expression' with 'desire'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'chase' the 'ideas' of 'desire' -- believing that if I 'chase' these ideas -- that I will become 'fulfilled' in the end -- that I will become 'more than' who I am presently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as a thought, feeling, and emotion -- creating 'desire' and living that 'desire' as if I should 'seek' it because it is apparently 'bigger' than who I am -- because I 'feel' it, and it 'consumes' me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to be 'consumed' by 'desire' -- instead of realizing that the only way that I could ever be consumed by desire -- is if I accept and allow myself to be consumed by it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the 'chase' for something is my own 'chase' after deception -- believing that something could possibly exist 'separate' from me that I need in order to 'complete' me -- instead of realizing that I am simply chasing an 'illusion' of thoughts, feelings and emotions that I have defined as 'me'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that every point of 'desire' is the 'relationship' that I have with a 'symbol' -- a 'system' that I have not yet directed within me -- that I have allowed to 'consume' and 'possess' me through 'blissful feelings' of 'love', 'desire', and 'passion'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am these thoughts, feelings, and emotions of/as 'desire' of which I have formed a 'personality' of -- of which I walk as -- as self-deception.

Related Links:

Desire is Visual and Auditory: Project Humanity Lifestyle Experiment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ViJdurfwHo

Desire is Who I Am:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0yi3cOE0Do

Feelings as Motive:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvXGE2xgyM0

Love and Sex:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqOT05EZWag

Radical Relationships: Is Love the Only Truth?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZOAREa8N6g

Men and Women are Like Dicks

2011-02-18T18:30:00.000-06:00

Don't you know that men and women are like dicks? Men and women desire 'love' whenever we 'feel' as though it is time for us to 'need' someone's 'love. This would be equivalent to the analogy of a shriveled dick. Once we 'need' that person's 'love' we call them in order to 'talk' with them and 'hope' to hear the phrase 'I Love You' at the end, or spend time with them in order to 'receive' that 'feeling of love' that we apparently needed to 'experience'. This 'love high' that we believe that we 'receive' from the 'other' individual creates, one more time, a point of 'validation' within us -- with the other individual which 'strengthens' or 'keeps' the 'relationship-tie' going on within/as the mind. Now the shriveled dick has become a hard penis.

Any other time, we don't 'need' them because our 'energetic relationship-tie' to them is fulfilled. It's only when our dick becomes shriveled again -- when we believe that we are not 'getting enough love' from them wherein we believe that we 'need' their love thus, again, doing everything that it takes to make our dick hard again -- becoming 'one' with them through experiences that 'invoke' the 'energy' / 'feeling' of that which is defined as 'love' in order to be 'validated' once again.

Accepting What is Here

2011-02-13T14:37:00.000-06:00

Today, I was reading an article by Bernard Poolman which was about the human as a television and radio stations as structural resonance. Basically, the structural resonance is the structural foundation of relationships that you have formed yourself as -- as a fabricated identity that you depend on to make you who you are. This includes your personality, but it goes deeper than that. It is who you are at the DNA level. It is the 'coded algorithm' that you define as life which is the structural resonance of/as consciousness.

Well one thing within the article that got my attention is how we define ourselves to an extent that we are 'unable' to swap places/lives with another because of the belief that we will 'lose' that very part of us that we depend on that we 'cherish' as a 'personality'. Here is the piece of the article:

If the message you are broadcasting is allowing a world where all has a place equally and is the message you are broadcasting showing that at any given moment you are willing to swap places with any being in the world and still be O.K. with that person's life as your life. If the life of a starving child is not acceptable to you, then a change is required and responsibility is appropriate.

So looking at this point, I'd like to do some self-forgiveness for 'cherishing' that which I believe is me as a 'personality program' -- living a defined life as a 'belief' rather than what is 'here' in which I am an equal to/as all.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'cherish' that which is a fabricated 'lie' as my 'personality' that I trust in which I accept and allow myself to 'hide behind' a personality construct not taking self-responsibility for/as what I create as an 'outflow' of my resonant design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to the point of the 'search for meaning' in which I place myself within a 'personality bubble' following that of/within the mind as a 'fabricated possession', thus creating a 'personality construct' of/as 'spirituality' of which I entrust as 'who I am' as a 'consciousness symbol' -- becoming a 'fabricated possession', thus 'not seeing' and/or 'refusing to see' that which is 'here' of what I have created within/as this world through my own beliefs -- because I have accepted the 'excuses' that it will be 'taken care of' by a 'greater being'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trust' in the president to do something about our current system -- in which, within that very statement and belief, I am actually supporting the current construct of the system to exist and remain existent by not taking responsibility as an 'equal' to the president -- as the system, as the government, as everything that exists here in which we all have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my life to 'beliefs' instead of taking self-responsibility -- becoming that which I have created within/of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to 'myself' as 'pride' -- believing that I cannot be 'touched' because I have 'money' and that I don't need to 'swap out' my life with/as another because I have money -- becoming a 'blind vessel' of 'ego' and not accepting that which creates the point of our current monetary system which is 'fear' and greed -- in which I actually am supporting the current system through the point of pride and ego within/as the foundation of 'fear' and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life is 'too important' to think about others instead of realizing that my life belongs to the current system -- and that which I 'walk as' is a 'symbol' of the current monetary system -- no matter how much money I have or don't have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my life out of 'fear' that I will 'lose' myself if I don't 'keep up' my life (keep it in tact) by doing the things that I do continuously everyday -- that defines who I am as a 'resonant symbol'.

I forgive myself that I have not considered what I have done within/of the world by doing nothing, but supporting the current system of man through/as my 'personality' as self-interest -- as I continue to 'walk' as a 'resonant symbol'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'life' is important -- instead of realizing that the current life that I live is a 'consciousness supported' life in which I am a 'program' built by my parents, the media, the government, education, culture, religion -- everything that I/we have built as -- as a 'systematic structure' which is the 'outflow' of mankind's resonant symbol of enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider 'death' as 'life' -- dying to all of that which I accept as 'me' as a 'symbol' designed to be a slave to/as my 'mind' -- walking an 'algorithm' of 'enslavement' -- only seeing what I 'want' to see and have been 'designed' to see as a mind-consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place 'trust' and 'respect' to knowledge and information -- creating 'excuses' built on knowledge and information in order to 'keep' myself behind a 'veil' of 'logic' -- using that logic to justify 'abuse'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that knowledge and information is the 'answer' and believing that there is virtually always a way out of something if we simply utilize the 'opportunity' that is 'here' for us to do what we have to do to make it within the current system -- instead of 'standing up' and stopping the current system, and realizing that as long as the current system exists, it will always 'gravitate' towards deception, self-dishonesty, fear and money, and that there can be no 'equality' within the current system that man has built as an 'outflow' of what man has accepted himself to be because of the foundation which is the 'integrity' of it. A new foundation has to be built with individuals that 'stand' for equality.