Women and Emotions

Within my world and reality, I defined femininity and masculinity as something being used as a point of 'expression' within beings, but what I didn't realize is that what creates masculinity and femininity are predominantly psychological in nature wherein external 'pictures' are used that helps in the creation of how masculinity and femininity are defined. If one looks at a flower, one would say that it would look good on a female, in general, because over the progression of years, specific pictures have been used to shape the definition of gender identity and how it is expressed within the world. Thus, the sum of humanity's judgement to/towards each other through pictures have given rise to a friction, which is a state of conflict between people, that has been stabilized and defined as masculinity and femininity. Albeit all judgment always starts from within. Thus, it was one's self-judgments that gave rise to how one acts and reacts as a male or female with other males and females.

So I procured a belief wherein I changed the integrity of how I exist based on that belief and delved into gender transgression through changing my identity to fit what I thought was the perfect balanced gender identity. I believed the perfect gender was that of a mixture of masculine and feminine qualities. The gender would have the strength of a male, but the 'feminine' characteristics of a female. This point was tacitly developed within/as my involvement with both genders within the world as I subsequently and mathematically developed my 'perfect' gender as a point of self-judgment based on how I judged my own characteristics. I did not initially see that I was actually engineering the perfect gender identity as a point of covering up my own self-dishonesty. The self-dishonest point was changing the structure of my personality as what I believed and perceived myself to be defective within my behaviors and characteristics and changing it into another 'personality' that I thought to be more 'perfected'. But this, I didn't realize was a point of not facing myself, but actually trying to change myself exterior-wise rather than from within -- through self-forgiveness.

Within/as my times growing up, I developed a belief that women are weaker than men, from an emotional perspective because women tend to be slightly more emotionally heightened from my experience around women. I was always hesitant of having a relationship with a female because I never did want to participate in the emotions within a relationship. I didn't understand what we had to be emotional about. I always wanted a relationship wherein we were both clear at all times because emotions and feelings seem to put a veil on what's really going on within the relationship. That's why within my life, I created imaginary girlfriends that were created with little or no emotional qualities.

In men, I found the quality of having opinions about how a man should behave as a 'man, to be a primary weakness in men wherein 'rules' are setup tacitly which defines how a man should behave. Some of these rules are:

1) Men don't cry.
2) Men don't wear pink.
3) Men don't wear dresses.
4) Men don't play with dolls.
5) Men don't have long hair.
6) Men suppose to be rough.
7) Men suppress their emotions.
8) Men don't put their hands on their hips.
9) Men don't have limp wrists.

So men that do not have these characteristics are seen as 'real men' within parts of the male community, but I see it as a weakness because if a man is unable to do one/some/all of these characteristics, it creates a weakness -- as a man becomes defined within/as a specific personality construct called 'masculinity' and becomes a slave to it.

Within the strength of the male, I saw stability and virility, and within the strength of the female, I saw as being unstressed which gives expression to the softness attribute (as femininity). So thus, I fused the strengths of the male and female characteristics together, and became con-fused because I conned myself into believing that what I was doing was real, but was only a belief -- using two fake personalities known as 'the feminine personality' and 'the masculine personality', and fusing them together to create another 'personality' which is just as fake as 'masculinity' and 'femininity'. Until we stop defining ourselves within/as femininity, masculinity, and all personality points, the world will always be a fake place with walking organic robots, called humans, that define themselves as feminine, masculine, or gender variant.

Points I Saw Within This That I Can Direct Through Self -Forgiveness:

• Having an aversion for women because of their emotions
• Judging women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality because of their emotional sensitivity
• Existing within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotion
• Belief that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic'
• Liking women because of their 'unstressed' attitude which gives expression to the softness attribute
• Liking men because of their stability and virility
• Liking to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil)
• Liking to watch movies with men that have feminine attributes (such as Ma Vie En Rose)
• Having an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men should present themselves
• Belief that masculinity and femininity is real and incorporating both characteristics into what I perceive as the 'perfect' gender to fulfill my views that I have about gender identity.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for women because of their emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality because of their emotional sensitivity to themselves and the world instead of realizing that when and as I see myself judging women based on their emotional sensitivity, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this judgment gives me a reason to justify who I am as the mind and how I perceive myself as 'stable' and 'sound' because of me being stoic. I do not accept or allow myself to judge women as not being able to see with 'clarity' the actuality of this world / reality. I do not accept or allow myself to support the personality of being 'stoic' as a polarity of being emotional. This is not best for me because I remain enslaved to the polarity of emotions and no emotions, and this is not best for all because it creates a world of polarity wherein relationships are allowed to exist within/as point of 'abuse' in which we use to justify our ego. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions instead of realizing that having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions exists because I have not forgiven the point of me existing within the point of perceiving myself 'more than' women because of me perceiving myself as stable. When and as I see myself existing in this judgment, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this, gives me a reason to feel 'special' within judging women as 'less than' because they are seemingly 'more emotional' than me and thus judging me as 'more than' because I am 'less emotional'. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the 'personality' of having an 'aversion' for women and their emotions. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the point of perceiving myself 'more than' women because of me perceiving myself as more 'stable' because of lack of emotions. I do not accept or allow myself to feel 'special' within judging women as 'less than' because they are seemingly 'more emotional' and judging me as 'more than' because I am 'less emotional'. This is not best for me because it allows me to feel special as the personality in which I diminish the integrity of who I am based on the desire to be special as feeling 'in control' of things. This is not what is best for all because it supports the point of 'specialness' to exist as a form of deception wherein specialness is allowed to be sold as a polarity point of being 'more than' which perpetuates friction within the world. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic' instead of realizing that when and as I see myself believe that I have things in control in this world based on my perceived point of being 'stoic, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this belief gives me a sense of control as the 'personality' being in control rather than 'me' in control. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within 'control' and 'no control'. I do not accept or allow myself to exist within the definition of being 'stoic' or being 'emotional'. This is not best for me because I depend on a personality point as being 'stoic' to give me a sense of control'. This is not best for all because it allows a world to exist that is dependent on something or someone in which the 'collective' is controlled by. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' women because of their seemingly 'unstressed' attitude which gives 'expression' to what I perceive as their 'softness' attribute (as femininity) instead of realizing that the softness of a female is a personality construct that I perceive in separation of/as who I am. When and as I see myself existing within 'liking' women because of an attribute that I perceived myself 'separate' from, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a purpose to seek out femininity as what I believe is an expression in order to become fulfilled, and also to see women and to desire relationships with them in separation -- in order to fulfill the point of femininity within/as me. I do not accept or allow myself to 'like' women because of their 'unstressed' attitude which gives expression to what I perceive as their 'softness' attribute (as femininity). I do not accept or allow myself to form a purpose to seek out femininity as what I believe is an expression in order to become fulfilled because of the belief that I am not fulfilled if I am not able to express feminine traits or have a relationship with a female that is feminine. This is not what is best for me because within existing within likes and dislikes, I create a personality based on that like as I exist in separation from what is here (which is not conformed to what I 'like' and what I 'dislike'). This is not best for all because it creates a world based on relationships of liking and disliking -- specializing a being as more than another being thus creating friction within/as the world as a 'system' of warfare. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' men because of their stability and virility instead of realizing that stability and virility is who I am in every moment of breath not defined within/as masculinity. When and as I see myself 'liking' men based on their stability and virility, I stop; I breathe; I let go, and realize that supporting the point of liking men exists because of their stability and virility gives me a way to specialize men as 'more than', and to 'like' that point because they appear to have more 'control' over themselves -- instead of realizing that the actual point of perceiving men in control of themselves is because I have separated myself from stability and virility, and specialized men from women based on their physical and chemical makeup because I have not taken responsibility to direct the point of control one and equal, but have externalized it into/as definitions and 'images' separate from me -- thus becoming possessed by what it means to be stable and virile in the world. I do not accept or allow myself to 'like' men because of their stability and virility. I do not accept or allow myself to specialize men as 'more than' based on their perceived stability and virility. This is not best for me because I limit myself to an 'observation' that is constructed and birthed from self-judgment. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on judgment. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with women that have masculine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with women that have or portray masculine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as my expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with women that have or portray masculine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that seemingly defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within/as gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with men that have feminine attributes (such as Ma Vie En Rose) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with men that have feminine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with men that have or portray feminine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as my expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with men that have or portray feminine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that seemingly defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within/as gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to watch movies with women that have masculine attributes (such as Resident Evil) instead of realizing that the movies that I watch with women that have masculine attributes is a reflection of me combining masculine and feminine traits (which are not real) and creating another gender identity (which is not real) -- living a fabricated lie. When and as I see myself engaged in the 'energy' of watching movies with women that have or act with masculine attributes, I stop; I breathe; I let go and realize that supporting this gives me a reason to remain engaged within/as 'gender identity' that I perceive as an expression. I do not accept or allow myself to become energetically engaged in the watching of movies with women that have or act with masculine attributes. I do not accept or allow myself to define who I am based on an actor or actress that defies the 'normative' gender of their physical assignment. This is not best for me because I create points that I believe that are real, but are not real -- living a lie based on/as 'energy' through/within gender identity. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world system based on 'energy'. Therefore, I stop my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men, in general, should present themselves instead of realizing that I have placed myself 'less than' that judgment as the reaction that I formed with it. When and as I see myself having an aversion for someone based on their judgments about someone else, I stop; I breathe, I let go, and realize that supporting this point gives me a reason to have an aversion as a point that I have given 'life' to -- to move me. I do not accept or allow myself to have an aversion for men because of their judgments about how men, in general, should present themselves. This is not best for me because I allow myself to continue to participate in desire and aversion based on placing myself as 'less than' that which I have formed a relationship to in separation. This is not best for all because I allow myself as a system to support a world based on desire and aversion as points that become the 'flow' of deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masculinity and femininity is real and thus to incorporate both characteristics into what I perceive as the 'perfect' gender to fulfill my views that I have about gender identity.

2012: How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message

I was coming at a 'standstill' within my process of self-realization within/as my adherence to spirituality. I was always yearning to find out who I was, and where I'd come from. I mean -- we're here, and we suppose to know where we come from right? I started to believe that the creator was hiding itself because I figured that I shouldn't have to ask.... I got some cool knowledge and information over the years of who I might be according to different extraterrestrial studies and stories that I've read. One of the extraterrestrials that I read about were of an intellectual type that supposedly surpassed our intellectual, and technological proficiency as human beings. I mean... I got to the point of believing that who we are, as human beings, are simply a form of elaborate technology created by an extraterrestrial race, but the question was still persistent within me, "Who created us?" There were several doctrines that I adhered to that sounded convincing, but they were not convincing enough to remain firm within it. One of those doctrines was the Christian doctrine.

I became a 'Christian' when I was young because I was informed by my parents and family that Christianity is 'the way' to self-realization, but they called it 'salvation'. There was a fear towards adhering to Christianity though -- that if I am not a Christian, I am going to Hell, but the fear wasn't as prominent at the time when I was in my younger years. It became more prominent as I got older because of the knowledge and information that I acquired within/as, and about -- the 'integrity' of Christianity, and how to be an effective Christian.

When I got older, I wanted to 'commit' myself to Christianity more because I was intermittent within it in my younger years, thus, I remained within this particular religious path for approximately 2.5 years contiguously as a point of being loyal to it. I wasn't really self-honest within it because, within, I 'felt' that there was still something 'missing' within my spiritual process as my relationship that I established with God, and I realized that it was ME that I was still missing.

I questioned my process with God with a question to God, "So is this the lifestyle that an individual suppose to have when they are committed to You?... going to church, praising, worshiping You and reading Your Word?" I was not fond of the lifestyle that I had. It felt more like an enslavement process. There was something 'more' that I was looking for -- so I stopped going to church, and eventually halted my relationship with 'God'. My last prayer to God was: "I'm going to seek You in different ways that is not related to Christianity and if I find something that makes 'more sense', then I am not going to pursue this so-called 'Christianity' religion anymore." I didn't really say it in that exact statement, but it is what I meant nevertheless. I attempted to say it in the 'nicest' way in order for God to not become angry at my statement to Him, lol.

So I went out and sought 'God' in other studies. I always wanted to 'hear' its 'voice' because at church, there were prophets and prophetesses that could presumably 'hear' God speak. Thus, I desired that ability also. "Why does it even have to be an 'ability'?" is what I asked myself at one point. So I found a book called 'Conversations with God' which really changed my 'perspective' on life, but the primary thing that was inconsistent within/as my relationship to the book was that there were no 'practical' applications within it wherein I am able to apply it within my life, but it did change my perspective on God, religion, and spirituality. So the 'fear' within me of 'leaving' the 'Christian' God was even more prominent within me at the time because I remembered a bible scripture that stated that God is a 'jealous' God, but I no longer, presently, have a fear of God because it is not even a point to even consider as a practical point in my life.

Eventually within my spiritual 'quest', one of my greatest desires was to check out the astral dimension because it would be a more effective point of communication as communicating directly with the spiritual realm rather than hearing God's voice in my head. The astral dimension was supposedly, according to my studies, a reality that looked exactly like this reality, but more liquified yet still formidable. I was looking for demons, angels.... all of the beings that I studied in the past within my quest for finding the truth about things. I told myself, "Well if they are not revealing themselves here, I'm going to go to them myself in the astral dimension." My quest for going to the astral dimension never really succeeded because there had to be a way wherein my mind was 'awake' and my body 'asleep' -- although, one's mind is always awake intrinsically according to the knowledge and information out there that speaks about the integrity of how the mind works on a scientific level. I could never achieve this so I eventually began giving up on it.

Subsequently, I just fueled my mind with what I knew best -- which was having relationships with my imaginary friends that I had since childhood. I could at least 'believe' myself to 'be' somewhere by keeping my mind occupied with thinking about them, and communicating with them within my mind. I figured since most of the entities that I created within my mind were extraterrestrials -- that they are able to tell me something that I didn't know that I could tell others within this world and feel 'special' that I have other-worldly information (not originating from this planet).

One day though, I saw an interesting video on astral projection on YouTube -- on a page called Desteni, and how astral projection is simply a virtual reality within a virtual reality. I was like, "What??" I never heard of that perspective before. I also viewed another video called "The Design of I was an Alien in my Past Life" -- because I used to believe, based on a recorded session about my life from a psychic's perspective at the time, that I was an alien in my past life from the 7th Great Central Sun. I also 'felt' like an alien most of my life anyway because of my unique personality construct that I developed within/as me.

So these two videos basically impinged upon me. Therefore, I started watching more videos. Eventually, I started hearing about 'equality'. I've heard that statement over and over again throughout my life. I simply took it as another impractical point that could never manifest itself in this reality under the current financial systematic structure that exists. I mean -- how can we all exist within/as 'equality' if we are all 'raping' each others' pocketbooks? That doesn't sound like equality to me. It just sounds like some mambo-jumbo bullshit that is uttered with 'beautiful' words to keep us in a state of 'hope'.

But Desteni spoke about equality in a different light that I have never actually considered, and that is through changing the entire system into/as a system that is best for all -- not just 'equality' as having everyone from different cultures, backgrounds, languages, religious beliefs, races, etc. coming together and singing Kumbayah. That wouldn't be common-sensical because the system, within that 'lovey-dovey' display of affection would still be accepted and allowed to exist the way it is existing today -- thus rape, corruption, war, slavery, etc. would be still accepted within the midst of what equality is defined within/as today. It doesn't really matter how many political leaders change a rule or two that makes an impact in this world under the current system. IF THIS MONETARY SYSTEM EXISTS IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, NO ONE CAN CLAIM ACTUAL EQUALITY, and equal rights as something that can be made formidable within the current system. Thus, equality becomes something that makes common sense. It will just need the 'hands' to develop it (physical hands -- not 'spiritual' hands). This is one way of how I was able to hear the Desteni message as simplicity.

So within 'finding myself' within/as my spiritual quest within religion as Christianity, and astral projection as a meta-physical study, I told myself that within fulfilling my spiritual desires, where does that leave the world? It leaves it in the same position of abuse, and this is thus engineered into/as all humans. Everyone has a desire, and thus, one will attempt to satisfy that desire within/through their entire lives. Where does that leave the world? -- in the same fucked up position as before. But what drives these desires to exist within the integrity as it exists is money -- which means that we all really have the same 'religion' -- trying to obtain an extra dollar to continue our 'freedom' within desiring what we want or prefer in order to enhance our lifestyles (whether it's spirituality or being a proficient juice maker) -- because without money, how will that lifestyle be supported?

Therefore, if we can become cognizant and actually put or hands together to change the very structure that is the dictator of our lives (which is money), we can develop actual equality, and this is the Desteni message that I argued with initially because I really didn't understand equality from the perspective of how it is being presented within/as common sense.

The Will of God as Brainwashing

"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." is a quote that I read one day. I looked at this quote, and I recognized it as a point of separation. Within the first section of the quote states "The Will of God". We see here that within this phrase, there is a point of defining life within the Will of God. If God is the 'director' of the integrity of who we are, and the 'director' of the 'fabric' of the universe, then life itself is constricted within the binds of the commands of a god which equals enslavement -- even if it's for a 'good' purpose because all 'good' things doesn't exist anyway because 'good will' always relies on 'bad decisions' to make it 'good'. It is a polarity of opposites attracting each other. It can also be used as a good sales technique -- which is exactly what it is anyway.

Also the "Will" of God cannot and doesn't fit the equality equation. If you look at what God wants, God wants for us to 'trust' him. Putting trust into another being is actually self-diminishment, and thus, one is not able to take self-responsibility for themselves to trust themselves. If God wants for his creation to 'trust' him, then that god is not actually taking the responsibility to direct him or herself, and thus, is not fit to manage / direct the universe. This point of trust in a God to direct the universe is actually dangerous because it allows abuse in all forms and levels -- which is exactly how relationships work within this reality.  What happens when beings 'trust' each other? They can abuse each other freely within the relationship -- which is the reason that 'rape' exists because 'rape' is showing us exactly how relationships work -- a "good fuck" and move on, or a good 'mind-fuck' with each other for the duration of the relationship. The only difference between rape and relationships are that there are 'good feelings' in relationships that give relationships a 'specialness' to it that can last for a long time which is one of the elements that 'mind-fucks' consist of. Another element of mind-fucking each other in a relationship is pleasing the other individual -- which, in turn, allows abuse in the world to flourish because everyone's focusing on pleasing their partner rather than looking at the fucked-upness in this world. It's just like worshiping and trusting in God to clean up our shit. All of our energy is spent on trusting in God and not actually doing anything to change this reality practically.

Within the second section of the quote states "the Grace of God will not protect you". And if you put it together, it states, "The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." -- which means that there are some areas within this existence that God doesn't have control over because if God puts you in those positions, God wouldn't be able to protect you because those positions within existence has become 'uncontrollable' for God, or those positions have become so fucked-up that God can't even control its own creation. If one person is not able to exist in a particular position within this world, that means that the position has become so fucked up because of our acceptances and allowances in this world that it has become unlivable. I ask myself what those positions would be because apparently there are people in this world that are put in positions within this world that are so abusive, but apparently 'God' can still 'protect' us within these positions -- such as getting raped by someone, getting beat with whips for not obeying a master, literally eating shit to survive because food is non-existent, eating dirt patties to survive, and so on. Apparently according to the quote, God is able to 'protect' us within these positions which is why some of us are placed there right?

So every quote has an underlying source within it. One just has to open their eyes to reality and realize the bullshit behind the Will of God, or any other apparently enlightened quote. One can thus equalize themselves with all of creation as God and to ask Self, is this what I really want within this world? It is clearly not what I want. Thus, we are able to direct ourselves to a better world where no man will have to be protected from abuse at all -- because within the existence of 'protection' lies a form of abuse which allows 'protection' to exist and proliferate as something that is considered necessary.

Links:

1) A Common-Sensical Change Within This World Through Equal-Money

Equal Money is an approach that has been formulated in response to the humans proven inability to take care of life on earth in all its forms. Taking into consideration the state of the world as it currently exists where war, abuse, exploitation of resources and survival of the fittest is accepted as human nature. The redesigning of this nature has become the pivotal point that will decide the future of the human race.

To educate yourself and understand the science and mathematics of Equal Money is vital as the simplicity of this new financial system will astound you. In this first volume you will be introduced to a different way of thinking that will challenge you

2) What is Money in This World?

 Money and why it is the Key to changing the world and yourself

3) And God Created Money

Are we merely subject to the creation of money, with no choice but to live by the laws of money. All decisions are not even our own - all decisions are only possible if we have money. Did God deliberately create money to force us into situations of abuse, starvation and death?